I watched a morning show live to see an interview of someone we personally know. Usually most of the television we watch these days is through the DVR allowing us to skip commercials. But for this there was no fast forward. The commercials really made me think how companies push tag lines or phrases with which we as consumers connect to the product. Here are just a few from this morning:
I’m lovin’ it – McDonald’s
Zoom, zoom – Mazda
Life’s Good – LG
Imagination at Work – GE
Ingredients for life – Safeway
Save Money. Love better – Walmart
These phrases are often more than just an ad slogan – they are a motto. Mottos are expressions of the guiding principle of an organization, expressions of the spirit or purpose.
More recognizable mottos:
Always be prepared! – scouts
Semper Fidelis (Always Faithful) – Marines
In God We Trust – USA
Standing still and pondering some of these, thoughts come to mind. People should have recognizable mottos. People should consciously and purposefully adopt a personal word or phrase that would be the guiding principal of life, an expression of their spirit or their purpose.
Some people I know have done so. There’s K who is a friend and mentor – hers is “Grace”. B who is a friend and teacher, took 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing”) as a life verse.
There are some people for whom you could identify a motto simply by the way they live. My daughter’s would be “Sunshine” – she possesses a brightness of spirit, has a natural sunny disposition and doesn’t hesitate to spread the warmth of God’s love.
Although there are those whose actions and lives would beg a motto with a less positive connotation.
What do others think my motto is? This past year I have consciously identified a single life word that holds much personal meaning – “Hope”. This word represents so much to me emotionally and spiritually: longing, anticipation, confidence, expectation, endurance, security…faith.
How can I live my motto in an identifiable manner?
I may be standing still for awhile.
What about you – could you identify your motto? Can others see it? Do you live it?
Need to stand still a bit?
Romans 5:3b-5 "because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
September 9, 2010
September 8, 2010
Another kind of eviction...
After the post on Serving the Eviction Notice, someone had said “okay forgiveness can be used to evict ‘when someone is living in you head rent free’ but what if the ‘renter’ isn’t a someone inhabiting your mind, but an event – something that’s there preoccupying darker corners of you mind'. More people than you or I realize, have those ‘event renters’. An occurrence in the past that lives in your head rent free – stirring up pain: confusion, anger, and resentment (all used to deflect the pain of what occurred) anxiety and OH, let us not forget that terror of randomness – why me; it’s so crazy and arbitrary – it’s not fair. It didn’t let us have control over the what, when and how. The present and future will always include the pain of the past event. That pain or loss shouldn’t isolate us but it can…and does.
The inquirer had just hit a minefield that caused an explosion of feelings for me. I drew a deep breath and told him I knew exactly what he meant. I knew exactly what this person was saying – I had had a ‘renter’ named Despair for quite awhile. He’s been evicted. But sill occasionally I hear his ghost whispering words of anxiety, sadness, fear, and resentment and sadness over what could have been each time Despair is triggered by a certain day, memory of the small and fragile, a smell, a picture, a mention of what would’ve been.
Despair entered my life in 1994 when our daughter Christine Hope was born with a mitochondrial disorder. Eight weeks later we were told her condition was fatal. 2 ½ weeks later at dawn on a day with the bluest sky and the brightest sun – I held Christy in my arms as she drew her last breath here on this earth.
Saying I was sad and mourned is simply too trite. There was bitterness, anger, resentment, and even confusion – what do I say when people ask how many kids do you have 3 or 4? Would saying 4 lead to an uncomfortable out of the blue discussion for some? Would saying four seem like I’m harping on my loss and almost advertizing it - looking for reaction? Would saying 3 be lying or appear as a denial of the beautiful curly brown headed girl with the softest and warmest brown eyes?
In my loss – I didn’t want to maintain focus on what happened to me – I needed to focus on what was happening in me. I had resentment toward a doctor who was on call and refused to talk to us (incidentally she was in the midst of congestive heart failure and was taken to a specialty children’s hospital). I had resentment toward some who never gave a word of sympathy or support. I had anger toward myself – had I done something during the pregnancy to cause this? did I do all I really could? Could I have shown my love for her more? I wallowed with Despair and qualified our pain as the worst anyone ever could suffer.
It was about then a good friend gave me a bible verse, Phillippians 4:4-7: Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
This verse struck me in an upsetting way. Was I supposed to rejoice now? I can’t have anxiety over this or because of this - I have to unresentfully come before the Lord and say thanks when I pray… I CAN”T!... I … (can’t breath or think) .. I would try…i would kneel my teeth gritted empty hearted and follow the verse.
Hmm… “but in everything, all things, by prayer and petition WITH THANKGIVING make your request to God.” I took out my case notebook – basically a log for treatments administered, procedures, meds and the times they needed to be administered and what each was for, it had the feeding times - Notes on chats with docs and nurses – notes on how we were to do care procedures (administering feeding tube, monitor monitors for heart rate, O2 sats, blood pressure). And then I started to look at the notes I had written in the margins about the staff, and positive comments made or happenings I noticed (three separate doctors told us she should have been still born) (a nurse said she’d never seen such parents providing so much of the main care in the NICU) (a friend brought an angel figurine) (a music box unexplainably played its tune at a time we were both in tears - the tune was simply Jesus Loves Me) (I found a cross lapel pin on the floor by Christy’s crib) (The nurses got together and gave us the cross that had hung in Christy’s room.)
I saw these side notes and started to say prayers of thanksgiving – not in the most sincere of ways at first. I prayed thanksgiving prayers for people who had a hand in those side notes. I prayed for people who provided Christy’s care – I thanked God that this young child was able to be held and loved by parents who where the only ones that could love her completely the way she needed to by love – no one would’ve loved her more. I thanked Him as hard as this was that she was born alive to meet us and for us to meet her.
Over the course of awhile – I realized there was a peace – one that in no way I would’ve found on my own. It was God’s peace and few could understand it - A peace that surpasses human comprehension. I can now look in the deepest corners of my heart without seeing or feeling bitterness, anger, resentment, or confusion – even thinking back to those moments at dawn that day in 1994.
Our future will always hold the pain of the past. I will never get the answer to WHY – Why was she born with this fatal disease? Why did she have to die? WHY, why, why? I can only receive those final answers when I stand before Him in His glory – even then it may not matter. But I can see the effects and blessings Christy brought. We have two wonderful sons in our family who most likely wouldn’t be here now. We may not have made choices about family events or family priorities as often or strongly as we have done without knowing the preciousness of time spent with our kids. We may not have looked for an opportunity for me to be a stay-home-mom. Several of our friends who were struggling in their faith grew spiritually. One family had two children baptized. People came and told us how our family changed their families.
How did I evict this renter? DESPAIR was barricaded in my head.
I chose ACCEPTANCE. As I prayed sincerely and focused on being thankful in the midst of Despair, as I focused on God (who did not cause this thing – I don’t believe he looked down and said let’s send Naomi’s world crashing down today ) who visibly walked through this valley of darkness with us. I ACEPTED the situation – didn’t like it and wanted answers – but I ACCEPTED it. And His peace was wrapped around me.
To evict “event renters” I think you eventually must ask yourself “do I want to live in Despair or Acceptance?“
Giving up the pursuit of control brings you to Acceptance and Peace.
Lamentations 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.
Note to reader: A great help for my despair was the gift of this book:
A GRACE DISGUISED: HOW THE SOUL GROWS THROUGH LOSS by GERALD L. SITTSER
Talk with someone who’s walked your path. Peace that surpasses understanding is more than a possibility.
The inquirer had just hit a minefield that caused an explosion of feelings for me. I drew a deep breath and told him I knew exactly what he meant. I knew exactly what this person was saying – I had had a ‘renter’ named Despair for quite awhile. He’s been evicted. But sill occasionally I hear his ghost whispering words of anxiety, sadness, fear, and resentment and sadness over what could have been each time Despair is triggered by a certain day, memory of the small and fragile, a smell, a picture, a mention of what would’ve been.
Despair entered my life in 1994 when our daughter Christine Hope was born with a mitochondrial disorder. Eight weeks later we were told her condition was fatal. 2 ½ weeks later at dawn on a day with the bluest sky and the brightest sun – I held Christy in my arms as she drew her last breath here on this earth.
Saying I was sad and mourned is simply too trite. There was bitterness, anger, resentment, and even confusion – what do I say when people ask how many kids do you have 3 or 4? Would saying 4 lead to an uncomfortable out of the blue discussion for some? Would saying four seem like I’m harping on my loss and almost advertizing it - looking for reaction? Would saying 3 be lying or appear as a denial of the beautiful curly brown headed girl with the softest and warmest brown eyes?
In my loss – I didn’t want to maintain focus on what happened to me – I needed to focus on what was happening in me. I had resentment toward a doctor who was on call and refused to talk to us (incidentally she was in the midst of congestive heart failure and was taken to a specialty children’s hospital). I had resentment toward some who never gave a word of sympathy or support. I had anger toward myself – had I done something during the pregnancy to cause this? did I do all I really could? Could I have shown my love for her more? I wallowed with Despair and qualified our pain as the worst anyone ever could suffer.
It was about then a good friend gave me a bible verse, Phillippians 4:4-7: Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
This verse struck me in an upsetting way. Was I supposed to rejoice now? I can’t have anxiety over this or because of this - I have to unresentfully come before the Lord and say thanks when I pray… I CAN”T!... I … (can’t breath or think) .. I would try…i would kneel my teeth gritted empty hearted and follow the verse.
Hmm… “but in everything, all things, by prayer and petition WITH THANKGIVING make your request to God.” I took out my case notebook – basically a log for treatments administered, procedures, meds and the times they needed to be administered and what each was for, it had the feeding times - Notes on chats with docs and nurses – notes on how we were to do care procedures (administering feeding tube, monitor monitors for heart rate, O2 sats, blood pressure). And then I started to look at the notes I had written in the margins about the staff, and positive comments made or happenings I noticed (three separate doctors told us she should have been still born) (a nurse said she’d never seen such parents providing so much of the main care in the NICU) (a friend brought an angel figurine) (a music box unexplainably played its tune at a time we were both in tears - the tune was simply Jesus Loves Me) (I found a cross lapel pin on the floor by Christy’s crib) (The nurses got together and gave us the cross that had hung in Christy’s room.)
I saw these side notes and started to say prayers of thanksgiving – not in the most sincere of ways at first. I prayed thanksgiving prayers for people who had a hand in those side notes. I prayed for people who provided Christy’s care – I thanked God that this young child was able to be held and loved by parents who where the only ones that could love her completely the way she needed to by love – no one would’ve loved her more. I thanked Him as hard as this was that she was born alive to meet us and for us to meet her.
Over the course of awhile – I realized there was a peace – one that in no way I would’ve found on my own. It was God’s peace and few could understand it - A peace that surpasses human comprehension. I can now look in the deepest corners of my heart without seeing or feeling bitterness, anger, resentment, or confusion – even thinking back to those moments at dawn that day in 1994.
Our future will always hold the pain of the past. I will never get the answer to WHY – Why was she born with this fatal disease? Why did she have to die? WHY, why, why? I can only receive those final answers when I stand before Him in His glory – even then it may not matter. But I can see the effects and blessings Christy brought. We have two wonderful sons in our family who most likely wouldn’t be here now. We may not have made choices about family events or family priorities as often or strongly as we have done without knowing the preciousness of time spent with our kids. We may not have looked for an opportunity for me to be a stay-home-mom. Several of our friends who were struggling in their faith grew spiritually. One family had two children baptized. People came and told us how our family changed their families.
How did I evict this renter? DESPAIR was barricaded in my head.
I chose ACCEPTANCE. As I prayed sincerely and focused on being thankful in the midst of Despair, as I focused on God (who did not cause this thing – I don’t believe he looked down and said let’s send Naomi’s world crashing down today ) who visibly walked through this valley of darkness with us. I ACEPTED the situation – didn’t like it and wanted answers – but I ACCEPTED it. And His peace was wrapped around me.
To evict “event renters” I think you eventually must ask yourself “do I want to live in Despair or Acceptance?“
Giving up the pursuit of control brings you to Acceptance and Peace.
Lamentations 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.
Note to reader: A great help for my despair was the gift of this book:
A GRACE DISGUISED: HOW THE SOUL GROWS THROUGH LOSS by GERALD L. SITTSER
Talk with someone who’s walked your path. Peace that surpasses understanding is more than a possibility.
September 7, 2010
Serving the Eviction
One of my friends posted an Ester Lederer (a.k.a Ann Landers) quote as her status not too long ago. It’s been surfacing in my mind on and off during my still time. Whenever something does this, I’m usually being ‘encouraged” to take closer look. Translation – God is shaking His head and saying “Stubborn child, you didn’t quite catch it the first (second, or third) time around – you’ve got some thinking to do!”
The quote: “Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.”
Bazinga! A little jolt to my psyche is making me look at myself as I considered the truth of the quote. I needed to be honest with myself and recognize where I am emotionally with my “renters”. I’ve been feeding them, providing heat and utilities, even fluffing pillows.
Time for an eviction notice! Nobody is going to live rent free in my head – being kept alive, allowed to stew and nurture the resentment, bitterness and anger – have that control. Guess it’s time to make peace. Hmm… MAKE peace. The verb here is make…that’s an action. Make, means to bring into existence by shaping or changing, to produce or cause to be. Dang it! - I have to DO something to make peace. It won’t magically happen if I just leave things be.
My ‘renters’ deal with relationships I have with a couple of people that have caused heartache. I still deal with these people in different life arenas on a pretty regular basis. Dealing with them causes anxiety, resentment, and hurt. I needed to make peace with the relationships I have with them. A question comes to mind - Why do I have to make the effort? I didn’t choose to be treated in such ways that are ignorant, at times spiteful, inconsiderate, rude, uncaring… A simple apology would be in order and would really help to mend fences but I know there will be no sincere repentance, no reparation – especially since there is no hint of recognition that they have caused hurt (so I may not be able to make peace with the individuals but I can make peace with the relationships). .
How can I evict them? The only way is through forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice.
Forgiveness in the case of these two will never come in response to apology, reparation, or contrition. I need to forgive not for their welfare, but for my own welfare – emotionally and spiritually.
It is only after the forgiveness that I will forge a new course, one that is without the “squatters’ of bitterness, anger, resentment or hatred in my head or heart.
Are you letting anyone live rent free? Find it overwhelming to face giving eviction notice on your own? Reach out to the people that love you for support; to people who’ve made it through; to the One who loves you and will enable you– Your Lord and Savior.
Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
The quote: “Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.”
Bazinga! A little jolt to my psyche is making me look at myself as I considered the truth of the quote. I needed to be honest with myself and recognize where I am emotionally with my “renters”. I’ve been feeding them, providing heat and utilities, even fluffing pillows.
Time for an eviction notice! Nobody is going to live rent free in my head – being kept alive, allowed to stew and nurture the resentment, bitterness and anger – have that control. Guess it’s time to make peace. Hmm… MAKE peace. The verb here is make…that’s an action. Make, means to bring into existence by shaping or changing, to produce or cause to be. Dang it! - I have to DO something to make peace. It won’t magically happen if I just leave things be.
My ‘renters’ deal with relationships I have with a couple of people that have caused heartache. I still deal with these people in different life arenas on a pretty regular basis. Dealing with them causes anxiety, resentment, and hurt. I needed to make peace with the relationships I have with them. A question comes to mind - Why do I have to make the effort? I didn’t choose to be treated in such ways that are ignorant, at times spiteful, inconsiderate, rude, uncaring… A simple apology would be in order and would really help to mend fences but I know there will be no sincere repentance, no reparation – especially since there is no hint of recognition that they have caused hurt (so I may not be able to make peace with the individuals but I can make peace with the relationships). .
How can I evict them? The only way is through forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice.
Forgiveness in the case of these two will never come in response to apology, reparation, or contrition. I need to forgive not for their welfare, but for my own welfare – emotionally and spiritually.
It is only after the forgiveness that I will forge a new course, one that is without the “squatters’ of bitterness, anger, resentment or hatred in my head or heart.
Are you letting anyone live rent free? Find it overwhelming to face giving eviction notice on your own? Reach out to the people that love you for support; to people who’ve made it through; to the One who loves you and will enable you– Your Lord and Savior.
Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
September 6, 2010
of icebergs and people
I saw an image of an iceberg that was created by professional photographer Ralph Clevenger ( http://www.ralphclevenger.com/ ). I was struck by its beauty first and then the awe and wonder of it overcame me. Mr. Clevenger has been quoted as saying: "I created the image as a way of illustrating the concept of what you get is not necessarily what you see.” He was referring to his manipulation of several photos into one to achieve the piece of artwork. However, the statement is also quite applicable to the iceberg itself. It is scientific fact that only one-ninth of an iceberg is above water due to the ratio of density between pure ice and sea water. It’s overwhelming to comprehend what really lies beneath – the shape, the actually size, the complexity, the beauty, the hidden...the danger.
It occurs to me that people share similarities with icebergs. The ‘surface view’ of a person is quite limited. Just like the “tip of the iceberg” - when we interact with someone, it is actually just the tip of the person. As you get closer to someone, you may uncover parts that are below the surface – humor, insight, strength, character. But there are still parts hidden far beneath the surface – hidden hurts, anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, traumatic life event, so much more.
There have been many times that I have had the hidden revealed to me at a latter time only then to fully understand and appreciate someone’s behavior or character. Each time, it is a lesson for me to give people the benefit of the doubt, to have compassion, to develop patience, to remind myself there may be something I don’t see or know that requires understanding. All lessons I hope to help my children with. All lessons I hope others use when they hit more than ‘the tip of the iceberg’ with me.
Icebergs or people – there is One that knows every inch, every unseen aspect in the darkest, deepest, most hidden parts. Nothing is hidden from view. With this complete, intimate knowledge comes an immeasurable love. I feel an admonishment, encouragement and challenge for me to view individuals through His eyes and with His love. It is humbling, encouraging and comforting to think that this ‘iceberg’ – me – I am known intimately and loved beyond measure despite what lies beneath.
Psalm 139:1-3 “O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.”
Psalm 136:26 “Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever.”
It occurs to me that people share similarities with icebergs. The ‘surface view’ of a person is quite limited. Just like the “tip of the iceberg” - when we interact with someone, it is actually just the tip of the person. As you get closer to someone, you may uncover parts that are below the surface – humor, insight, strength, character. But there are still parts hidden far beneath the surface – hidden hurts, anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, traumatic life event, so much more.
There have been many times that I have had the hidden revealed to me at a latter time only then to fully understand and appreciate someone’s behavior or character. Each time, it is a lesson for me to give people the benefit of the doubt, to have compassion, to develop patience, to remind myself there may be something I don’t see or know that requires understanding. All lessons I hope to help my children with. All lessons I hope others use when they hit more than ‘the tip of the iceberg’ with me.
Icebergs or people – there is One that knows every inch, every unseen aspect in the darkest, deepest, most hidden parts. Nothing is hidden from view. With this complete, intimate knowledge comes an immeasurable love. I feel an admonishment, encouragement and challenge for me to view individuals through His eyes and with His love. It is humbling, encouraging and comforting to think that this ‘iceberg’ – me – I am known intimately and loved beyond measure despite what lies beneath.
Psalm 139:1-3 “O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.”
Psalm 136:26 “Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever.”
September 4, 2010
Echoing in my head over and over.....
It’s happened again!!! I wish it was as easy as tilting my head and hitting myself while shouting “get out, get out, get out”. But it is still there haunting me…
It’s a fact that at some point in a person’s life they will suffer from an earworm. This will easily happen multiple times in a person’s life. I chuckled when I first heard this phrase identifying the condition. Digging a little further I was surprised that this is an actual term coming from German translation of Ohrwurm. It is a part of a song or music that repeats over and over in a person’s mind – that tune that gets stuck in your head and you can’t get it out. Some familiar ones might be: muppets theme, who let the dogs out, we will rock you, the lion sleeps tonite, theme to mission impossible or the theme to Rocky. Uh-oh…hopefully I didn’t start something.
So now I have a diagnosis but why does that music get stuck in my brain? Take your pick – a brain hiccup, a brain itch, a simple rerun of something in my environment that is repeated, a subconscious need that is being expressed (comfort, nervousness or motivation). Does it really matter why? Will knowing why help me get rid of it? Is there a way to get rid of it? Maybe I’ll have to just sit back, hum along and wait – not let it stress or drive me crazy. It’ll run its course.
Hmmm – maybe other things I’m stuck in, life’s crazyness, can be handled that way – sit back, hum along and wait (key being to LET GO AND LET GOD). Who knows…I could even pick the tune I hum while sitting back. One may even see a smile as the glance my way.
Psalm 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNClAJO2tnQ&feature=related
It’s a fact that at some point in a person’s life they will suffer from an earworm. This will easily happen multiple times in a person’s life. I chuckled when I first heard this phrase identifying the condition. Digging a little further I was surprised that this is an actual term coming from German translation of Ohrwurm. It is a part of a song or music that repeats over and over in a person’s mind – that tune that gets stuck in your head and you can’t get it out. Some familiar ones might be: muppets theme, who let the dogs out, we will rock you, the lion sleeps tonite, theme to mission impossible or the theme to Rocky. Uh-oh…hopefully I didn’t start something.
So now I have a diagnosis but why does that music get stuck in my brain? Take your pick – a brain hiccup, a brain itch, a simple rerun of something in my environment that is repeated, a subconscious need that is being expressed (comfort, nervousness or motivation). Does it really matter why? Will knowing why help me get rid of it? Is there a way to get rid of it? Maybe I’ll have to just sit back, hum along and wait – not let it stress or drive me crazy. It’ll run its course.
Hmmm – maybe other things I’m stuck in, life’s crazyness, can be handled that way – sit back, hum along and wait (key being to LET GO AND LET GOD). Who knows…I could even pick the tune I hum while sitting back. One may even see a smile as the glance my way.
Psalm 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNClAJO2tnQ&feature=related
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