Overwhelmed. Tired. Emotional. Determined. Broken. Release. Wept.
Pause. View. Realize. Perspective. Seek. Mindful. Intentional. Reset. Open. Floodgate.
Begin. Forward.
It’s been several weeks now that life has been being lived in a time
and world that we could have not fully comprehended prior. These weeks have caught up with me.
Professionally I function in an environment surrounded by amazing
people - we are constantly meeting immediate needs, diagnosing, treating,
training, assisting, nurturing, giving, encouraging, solving, monitoring... going. We compartmentalize our lives,
suppress feelings and needs, build walls inside our minds to focus on
job-duty-and mostly the well being of the patient.
But….
These weeks have caught up – PANDEMIC – daily numbers increase,
inadequacies of a system are being exposed, suffering increases, shortages, hoarding,
isolation, fear.
These weeks have caught up – PANIC AND HYSTERIA – ring out with
constant “coverage” and “news” that feeds on itself and focuses and “reports” devastation,
desperation, disheartened.
These weeks have caught up – the realization that ‘temporary measures’
may not be so temporary and all of us - professional, family, educational,
retail, supply, medical – ALL OF US – are having to navigate living life in a different
world.
These weeks have caught up – the compartmentalization, the suppression,
the walls… were breached by tears. My
mind and my heart acknowledged a growing list:
- my inadequacies in meeting needs at work- for clients not only in their
treatment but in their isolation
-the exhaustion of trying to do a job within the reality of many limitations and knowing
what is to come
-being with an awesome team that not only supports those they serve but
continually adjusts, dives in, accommodates and does all it takes to meet
that need while helping each other as well
-seeing and feeling … Knowing - the toll that all of it is on each of them (and
me) on the inside and yet it’s all pushed further down because the need and the
job grow
- my inadequacies in my family role – emotional and physical weariness
sometimes don’t leave much in the tank for the most important roles in my life
as wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend
- my personal fears that cause me to isolate myself physically and
emotionally from others
-guilt – don’t have the energy to interact once I leave the workplace,
the dust builds, the clutter grows, I’m tired, ….
- Did I say fear? – for me, I see reality up close daily, I’ve also
personally lived what many consider to be their greatest fear and while I know
with faith and God’s promise and grace it was survived – even the possibility of walking
that path again … I can’t breathe when fear grabs me.
These weeks have caught up –
As quickly as the tears came, they ended and the words began:
Overwhelmed, fear, illness, need, inadequacy, isolation, hopelessness,
negativity, stupidity, partisan, disaster, pandemic, suffering, tired,
desperate, devastation, weariness, need, helplessness, loneliness, uncertainty,
suppress, compartmentalize, failure, division, broken, conflict, anger,
frustration, blame, loss, death, distancing, urgent, despondent, sorrow, empty,
numb, gloom, hurt, …
The words continued:
Care, sacrifice, resilience, survival, help, treatment, honesty,
openness, compassion, strength, support, generosity, ingenuity, thoughtfulness,
kindness, humanity, presence, perseverance, renewal, community, resolution,
patience, encouragement, trust, comfort, faith, love, hope, joy…
Words. These units of language, labels,
utterances, meanings for all that I’d been experiencing yet suppressing now
identified or allowed to be expressed.
I needed to “use my words”.
In this “different world” at present we are surrounded constantly by
the chaos of the expression of words for the events. Perhaps what we need isn’t to have words bombarding
us from the outside, but rather to allow words flow – openly, honestly, freely –
real words - flow from inside.
It is only after we empty our thoughts and hearts of these words that
we can allow words in that will renew and strengthen – even heal. But we need
to be mindful and intentional which words we hold on to.
WORD.
I’m suddenly hit by the fact that there is one WORD that holds all I
need - THE WORD. And the flood of words now continues …
Psalm 46:10 – Be still and know that I am God.
Romans 5:3- 5 – We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that
suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character,
hope. And hope does not disappoint us because
God’s love has been poured out into our hears through the Holy Spirit, who has
been given to us.
Philippians 4:6-7 – Do not be anxious about anything, but in every
situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to
God. And the peace of God, which
transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ
Jesus
.
Isaiah 40: 29-31 – He gives strength to the weary and increases the
power of the weak. Even youths grow
tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength. They will
soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and
not be faint.
Romans 8:38 – 39 – For I am convinced that neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, or any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to
separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
John 16:33 - I have told you these things, so that in me you may have
peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart I have overcome the word!
Romans 8:26 - In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our
weakness. We do not know what we ought
to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
1 Thessalonians 4:13ff – Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be
uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the
rest of mankind, who have no hope. For
we believe that Jesus died and rose again.
Proverbs 17:22 – A cheerful heart is good medicine
Jeremiah 17:14 – Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I
will be saved, for you are the one I praise.
2 Corinthians 4:16 – Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly
we are being renewed day by day.
