I AM WILLING

 

As Lent began this year, as part of the red-letter challenge, I made a conscious decision to spend some time studying the Gospel of Mark. Of the four gospels it is probably the one in which I’ve spent the least amount of time.  Right away in chapter 1, two verses grabbed hold of my attention and filled me with deep thought. 

Shortly after Jesus began His ministry He was preaching in Galilee in the synagogues. Verses 40 and 41….“And a leper came to him, imploring him and kneeling said to him “If you are willing, you can make me clean.  Moved with compassion, He stretched out His hand and touched him and said to him “I AM WILLING.  Be clean”.

“I AM WILLING.” Christ said.  No hesitation; no pause or wait.  Immediate response … ‘I AM WILLING”.

I was struck by the affirming declaration of willingness with such instant action.  “I am willing.  Be clean”.  I thought about the word “will”.

'Will'
– from the Greek ‘theleo” - to intend, design, to purpose, be inclined.

Quite a few times I’ve gone to the Father in prayer with a request which often ended “if it be Thy will”.  Wondering if God would deign to be inclined. Sometimes quietly and somewhat disappointedly finding no such intention or inclination as I waited and life unfolded with a journey that was … darker or longer or more challenging.  This left me at times defeated or exasperated, maybe even hurt as I faced His will for me.  The King was not so inclined to grant the request of this lowly subject – not an easy answer to receive in the middle of pain.

That statement – God’s voice speaking those words “I AM WILLING” – echoed in my thoughts.  What was it about it that had grabbed hold of me?  I dug deeper into this word ‘will’ and found that here, as my Savior spoke “I AM WILLING’ the Greek word is ‘Etheleo’.  There is a subtilty added to the meaning with that letter “E”.

 ‘Etheleo’  - to desire, be disposed, purposefully,  mean,  love, please.  

Christ’s red-letter words were saying ‘I so DESIRE to heal you.’ ‘It is My PLEASURE to heal you’, ‘I would LOVE to’.   This is a personal relational response; a response from a loving Lord and Father to His child.

As I further consider ‘Etheleo’ my mind fills again with thought going back to some of the prayers I prayed most earnestly and there is actual comfort in reconsidering the answers.  The LORD works out everything to its proper end (Proverbs 16:4a).  I know His “Etheleo” is really “good, pleasing and perfect” (Romans 12:2).  And in His “Etheleo” He told us through the Apostle Paul “all things work together for good to those who love God” (Romans 8:28) - a statement He immediately follows and reinforces saying “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ (Romans 8:38-39). I still find the fact that I had to accept an answer that was so difficult to receive and journey through.  Sometimes I look back and realize great blessings came through that answer that I would have never ever had otherwise – or I realize even greater hardship would have been endured if my supplication was granted in that moment. 

“I AM WILLING.”  The words now fill not only my thoughts but my heart. 

‘Etheleo’ – HE is willing to hear my prayer every time I approach.

“Etheleo’ – HE DESIRES, MEANS and LOVES to answer – I am grateful that answers come every time through a good, pleasing and perfect ‘etheleo’ that is always lovingly given and held to personally benefit HIS KID.

 My prayer for you:     

Father, I thank you for your ‘eheleo’ – that good, pleasing and perfect will you have for your children.  I pray that as a child of yours comes before you with earnest request – no matter the answer they hear, they are sustained by your Spirit as Your words “I AM WILLING” come to mind – not in questioning but in assurance.  Let their hearts hear “I AM WILLING” to give you what is better, “I AM WILLING” to desire what is good for you though you may not know just now, “I AM WILLING”  because “I LOVE YOU MY CHILD”.  Amen.

Pt. 2 Continuing "in the midst"

 

“We will always be ‘in the midst’.”

This thought has been stuck in my mind.   Just a simple verbalization of a base idea or concept yet it’s causing good depth of thought, quite a few realizations.

I had written ‘in the midst’ considering all 2020 had brought.  During the past year I have come face to face with ‘in the midst’ of the devastation, loss, isolation, long term health diagnosis, stress, anxiety, hopelessness, futility, frustration, anger and injustice.  I isolated because I didn’t want to risk contributing to pandemic by exposing others (front line SLP in SNF providing therapy for a caseload that included Covid and post-Covid).  In isolation I experienced times of being overwhelmed with emotion after being witness to patient isolation and desperation.  I experienced being the only hand they’d held in weeks; was the only voice singing happy birthday or a carol, held the phone for them so they could hear the voice of a loved one from whom they’ve been separated for months; and dabbed their tears away as I silently prayed for this child of God.  Physically I have experienced the exhaustion of longer days; donning and doffing over every threshold; covering caseloads in multiple buildings and having to decontaminate and totally change clothing between buildings; testing weekly to try and screen all the while knowing I had loved ones that I could possibly infect if not vigilant.  Once through the day, emotional tolls hit the family as well -I often do not anything left physically or emotionally to interact, participate, or even feel.  

As I kept considering living ‘in the midst’, I realized I’ve been in a place of ‘in the midst’ of life’s shadows quite often.  While most people get to middle age and start looking forward to a different easier pace of life, I decided to take a few educational classes which unexpectedly led to finding myself ‘in the midst’ of major life change which included working toward and earning a Master’s in one of the most competitive intensive coursework programs to obtain a degree.  The last time I had been in college we were still using notebooks, paper, typewriters … there was a crazy learning curve just to function within the program.  And ‘in the midst’ of this period of time I was diagnosed with chronic health issues (ultimately contributing to a 5 hour surgery several years later and continues to be challenging).  ‘In the midst’ of struggling my mom passed away.  Funny how even as a middle-aged adult your mother is an integral part of life.  She was my encourager, friend, sounding board, prayer warrior, mentor – I miss her prayers – I miss the sound of her voice.  ‘In the midst’ of this all I was learning that the most unexpected, unprepared and oddly difficult part of a parent’s journey is the transition of parenting once your children reach young adulthood.  And personally, our lives will forever be lived ‘in the midst’ of having experienced the loss of our daughter – an occurrence that is now such a foundational part of who we are as individuals and a family and how we live our lives.  Bittersweet.

I know each of you have lived ‘in the midst’ of the shadow of life events – maybe you are standing in that shadow right now… broken relationship, financial strife, health challenge, loss of a loved one, family concerns, crisis of faith, change, uncertainty.

All my musing and thought comes down to the conclusion that this journey of life is lived completely ‘in the midst’ – ‘in the midst’.   

Personal realization – I’ve been living ‘in the midst’ of life’s challenges, losses, events, changes and uncertainties yet finding moments and times to seek and experience calm, peace, laughter, joy and hope.

Personal paradigm shift – What if… what if my life is lived continually or for the most part ‘in the midst’ of PEACE? lived continually ‘in the midst’ of HOPE? lived continually ‘in the midst’ of JOY?  - not overshadowed by all the other chaos…    

Challenge accepted and paradigm shifted!  How is this possible?  It isn’t if I’m trying to do it on my own.  It is if I realize I CAN because of GRACE ‘in the midst”. 

It is my prayer for you to know GRACE ‘in the midst’ that will allow you to live life ‘in the midst’ of JOY, PEACE and HOPE.

Phil 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Romans 15:13 - “May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.   Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

                                                                                                           

Nehemiah 8:10 “This is a sacred day before our LORD.  Don’t be dejected and sad, for the JOY of the LORD is your strength!”  

In the Midst

 The new year has come.  The calendar flipped.  As this year unfolds – so far a day that dawned and a sun set, one day completed – many are looking forward with anticipation, relief, breath released to a year that will hold answers, change, happiness, calm, justice… normalcy.

Truth is… nothing has magically changed.  We are still “in the midst”.

In the thick of …

In the throes of…

Surrounded, beset, hemmed in, besieged, overrun.

I think each of us knows this place – “in the midst” - personally; perhaps all too well as we consider this past year.

2020

Each of us have been in the thick of what life brought to our path.  We have been overrun by “unprecedented times” -   a pandemic that brought with it financial struggles and ruin, fear, anxiety, illness, isolation, loss, mourning, hopelessness, stress, depression.  We have been besieged by division, unrest, injustice, “passionate protest” violence, vandalism, destruction, frustration, anger, hatred, anarchy, terrorism.  We have been surrounded by unforeseen occurrences of natural disasters – fires with hazardous air quality indexes, personal losses and loss of entire communities. Occurring throughout all of this, each find themselves in the throes of their own life – loss, health, relationships, children, family, job or other.  All of which finds our very being “in the midst” of exhaustion, at wit’s end, weakened and aching physically, emotionally and spiritually.

January 1^st finds us still standing beset by many of the same circumstance looking for recovery.  Hardly a realistic and maybe even a harmful expectation.  These events, this time, the experiences… they are not our cause of discontent that somehow if not experienced would have allowed us to all live happily, fulfilled and normal.  It is not solely the experiences of 2020 which truly determine the quality, the direction and impact of our lives but rather our response.  We don’t “get over” this 2020 experiential chaos.  There are no solutions.  There is a journey –life.   We will always be “in the midst” of it.  

 

Here’s the thing…– “in the midst” of all 2020 had and all 2021 may have – we are able to have Joy and peace; we find rest and renew strength.   Our power to revel in hope, peace and JOY rests is within our grasp because of the ONE who loves us.

“May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

We experience peace and joy ‘in the midst’ of chaos that brings the answers, the stability and the security we so desperately need.   

I am reminded of Corrie Ten Boom who lived ‘in the midst’ of the worst this world has seen.  “If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed.  If you look within you’ll be depressed.  But if you look at Christ, you’ll be at rest.”

We may feel overwhelmed and often alone ‘in the midst’.  But looking to our God, we find He is in our midst.  “The Lord you God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.”(Zephaniah 3:17)

It is my prayer that you daily have hope, joy and peace in 'in the midst' .

 

Psalm 139 “Where can I go from Thy spirit?  Where can I hide from thy presence?  Even the darkness is not dark to you and the night is as bright as the day.”

Isaiah 40:31 “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint”.

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.   Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.”

Psalm 146:5 “Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God.”