Problems and solutions

I’ve had a few conversations with people as of late who find themselves in “situations”. One friend is frustrated with attitudes of self-centeredness and combativeness on a child’s sport team. Another is struggling with a familial relationship. Then there was the friend who had gotten an accusatory email questioning motives in handling something.

Conflict. It is unavoidable as we go through life. I’ve stood still with this word before. I’ve learned that conflict isn’t necessarily always a negative thing. Even more recently I learned something about conflict from writer Miriam Fox Gabler. She wisely stated…


“If you look at a problem long enough, you can see the part you play in it.”


My first reaction to this was “nah huh – I’m not so sure.” But as I’ve been standing still with Miriam’s statement and spending time in God’s Word, I’ve begun to see the blaring truth of this statement. Personally, I realize that I have not always been the shining example of grace under fire in those times I find myself in a “situation”. At certain points, I have been guilty of defensiveness, dislike, anger, selfishness, resentment, speaking out of turn, avoidance and admittedly even apathy. I know that there are times when a person can be a victim, a bystander, mistakenly unaware or sincerely wrong when “situations” arise. However, if one doesn’t take pause and care in response and reaction, one can add to things and definitely create ownership somewhere in the problem as a whole.
Solution? I’m continuing to learn and trying to practice looking ‘at the problem long enough’. Pause; breathe; stand still – in prayer – then move forward towards peace. Listen; clarify; speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15); communicate and find the solution. Resolve.


Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.


Matthew 7:3-4 Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

Finding Blessings in Conflict

Conflict. 

What comes to mind in that single word?

 Battle, clash, collision, contention, fray, strife, disagreement, discord, opposition, animosity, dissension, antagonism.

I’ve stood still with this word over the last couple of days. 

It’s inevitable – we all come face to face with it in our lives.  Most people will tell you outright that they don’t like conflict.  Many avoid it as much as possible with fear, anxiety and avoidance. Some seem to seek it – almost thrive on it.

It seems obvious that conflict can be damaging. 

After standing still with this word – I’ve learned that it’s not always a bad thing.  Like so much of this life – what determines if conflict is negative or positive is not the conflict itself.  The ultimate determination here lies in our response to the conflict.

Can those caught in the conflict view or consider the opposition or is there dislike, recrimination and selfish exploitation? Does the response bring withdrawl of love, rejection, isolation, shaming, effort to control, abandonment, anger, or resentment?  These responses will undoubtedly end negatively.  They are unhealthy for all those caught in the grasp of conflict.

Is it possible for the response to involve understanding, compassion, respect, and empathy?  Can those caught up in conflict take that step back, refocus and gain perspective.  Perhaps it is important to consider that each conflict brings with it opportunity.  There are possibilities for personal growth (socially, emotionally and spiritually), increased understanding, and strengthening of relationship.

Perhaps, even in the midst of conflict – be it within ourselves or with others - we need to focus on a different word.

Resolution.

Out come, settlement, sorting out, courage, decision, dedication, purposefulness, sincerity, steadfastness, peace.

John 14:27   Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.