Pt. 2 Continuing "in the midst"

 

“We will always be ‘in the midst’.”

This thought has been stuck in my mind.   Just a simple verbalization of a base idea or concept yet it’s causing good depth of thought, quite a few realizations.

I had written ‘in the midst’ considering all 2020 had brought.  During the past year I have come face to face with ‘in the midst’ of the devastation, loss, isolation, long term health diagnosis, stress, anxiety, hopelessness, futility, frustration, anger and injustice.  I isolated because I didn’t want to risk contributing to pandemic by exposing others (front line SLP in SNF providing therapy for a caseload that included Covid and post-Covid).  In isolation I experienced times of being overwhelmed with emotion after being witness to patient isolation and desperation.  I experienced being the only hand they’d held in weeks; was the only voice singing happy birthday or a carol, held the phone for them so they could hear the voice of a loved one from whom they’ve been separated for months; and dabbed their tears away as I silently prayed for this child of God.  Physically I have experienced the exhaustion of longer days; donning and doffing over every threshold; covering caseloads in multiple buildings and having to decontaminate and totally change clothing between buildings; testing weekly to try and screen all the while knowing I had loved ones that I could possibly infect if not vigilant.  Once through the day, emotional tolls hit the family as well -I often do not anything left physically or emotionally to interact, participate, or even feel.  

As I kept considering living ‘in the midst’, I realized I’ve been in a place of ‘in the midst’ of life’s shadows quite often.  While most people get to middle age and start looking forward to a different easier pace of life, I decided to take a few educational classes which unexpectedly led to finding myself ‘in the midst’ of major life change which included working toward and earning a Master’s in one of the most competitive intensive coursework programs to obtain a degree.  The last time I had been in college we were still using notebooks, paper, typewriters … there was a crazy learning curve just to function within the program.  And ‘in the midst’ of this period of time I was diagnosed with chronic health issues (ultimately contributing to a 5 hour surgery several years later and continues to be challenging).  ‘In the midst’ of struggling my mom passed away.  Funny how even as a middle-aged adult your mother is an integral part of life.  She was my encourager, friend, sounding board, prayer warrior, mentor – I miss her prayers – I miss the sound of her voice.  ‘In the midst’ of this all I was learning that the most unexpected, unprepared and oddly difficult part of a parent’s journey is the transition of parenting once your children reach young adulthood.  And personally, our lives will forever be lived ‘in the midst’ of having experienced the loss of our daughter – an occurrence that is now such a foundational part of who we are as individuals and a family and how we live our lives.  Bittersweet.

I know each of you have lived ‘in the midst’ of the shadow of life events – maybe you are standing in that shadow right now… broken relationship, financial strife, health challenge, loss of a loved one, family concerns, crisis of faith, change, uncertainty.

All my musing and thought comes down to the conclusion that this journey of life is lived completely ‘in the midst’ – ‘in the midst’.   

Personal realization – I’ve been living ‘in the midst’ of life’s challenges, losses, events, changes and uncertainties yet finding moments and times to seek and experience calm, peace, laughter, joy and hope.

Personal paradigm shift – What if… what if my life is lived continually or for the most part ‘in the midst’ of PEACE? lived continually ‘in the midst’ of HOPE? lived continually ‘in the midst’ of JOY?  - not overshadowed by all the other chaos…    

Challenge accepted and paradigm shifted!  How is this possible?  It isn’t if I’m trying to do it on my own.  It is if I realize I CAN because of GRACE ‘in the midst”. 

It is my prayer for you to know GRACE ‘in the midst’ that will allow you to live life ‘in the midst’ of JOY, PEACE and HOPE.

Phil 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Romans 15:13 - “May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.   Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

                                                                                                           

Nehemiah 8:10 “This is a sacred day before our LORD.  Don’t be dejected and sad, for the JOY of the LORD is your strength!”  

In the Midst

 The new year has come.  The calendar flipped.  As this year unfolds – so far a day that dawned and a sun set, one day completed – many are looking forward with anticipation, relief, breath released to a year that will hold answers, change, happiness, calm, justice… normalcy.

Truth is… nothing has magically changed.  We are still “in the midst”.

In the thick of …

In the throes of…

Surrounded, beset, hemmed in, besieged, overrun.

I think each of us knows this place – “in the midst” - personally; perhaps all too well as we consider this past year.

2020

Each of us have been in the thick of what life brought to our path.  We have been overrun by “unprecedented times” -   a pandemic that brought with it financial struggles and ruin, fear, anxiety, illness, isolation, loss, mourning, hopelessness, stress, depression.  We have been besieged by division, unrest, injustice, “passionate protest” violence, vandalism, destruction, frustration, anger, hatred, anarchy, terrorism.  We have been surrounded by unforeseen occurrences of natural disasters – fires with hazardous air quality indexes, personal losses and loss of entire communities. Occurring throughout all of this, each find themselves in the throes of their own life – loss, health, relationships, children, family, job or other.  All of which finds our very being “in the midst” of exhaustion, at wit’s end, weakened and aching physically, emotionally and spiritually.

January 1^st finds us still standing beset by many of the same circumstance looking for recovery.  Hardly a realistic and maybe even a harmful expectation.  These events, this time, the experiences… they are not our cause of discontent that somehow if not experienced would have allowed us to all live happily, fulfilled and normal.  It is not solely the experiences of 2020 which truly determine the quality, the direction and impact of our lives but rather our response.  We don’t “get over” this 2020 experiential chaos.  There are no solutions.  There is a journey –life.   We will always be “in the midst” of it.  

 

Here’s the thing…– “in the midst” of all 2020 had and all 2021 may have – we are able to have Joy and peace; we find rest and renew strength.   Our power to revel in hope, peace and JOY rests is within our grasp because of the ONE who loves us.

“May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

We experience peace and joy ‘in the midst’ of chaos that brings the answers, the stability and the security we so desperately need.   

I am reminded of Corrie Ten Boom who lived ‘in the midst’ of the worst this world has seen.  “If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed.  If you look within you’ll be depressed.  But if you look at Christ, you’ll be at rest.”

We may feel overwhelmed and often alone ‘in the midst’.  But looking to our God, we find He is in our midst.  “The Lord you God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.”(Zephaniah 3:17)

It is my prayer that you daily have hope, joy and peace in 'in the midst' .

 

Psalm 139 “Where can I go from Thy spirit?  Where can I hide from thy presence?  Even the darkness is not dark to you and the night is as bright as the day.”

Isaiah 40:31 “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint”.

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.   Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.”

Psalm 146:5 “Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God.”

 

For What It's Worth

 

Today we woke up to an uncertain outcome. Many are in a state of unrest, anxiety, disappointment, division.  As I got caught up on emails and connections this morning my thoughts and spirit were moved by a song from the past.  I was taken back to my childhood – while young I was aware of the period of unrest, anxiety and division.  We lived in Ohio at the time of Kent State.  The scars of war affected many and this was followed by racial tension when we lived in Milwaukee during the time of “desegregation’ with forced bussing in the schools which brought unrest, anxiety and division to personal, community and societal levels.  This song remained a spiritual anthem for the country for over a decade and was a call for people to stop – stop and really look at “what was going down”… ”Paranoia strikes deep, into your life it will creep, it starts when you’re always afraid” … and a reminder that “nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong”.

I listened to that song several times.  Quite a few memories came back; many thoughts flooded my mind.  First, I was reminded “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes)”.   Yet while change is one of the only constants of life along with uncertainty and disappointment, there is an even bigger more powerful constant… 

Hebrews 13:8   Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Malachi 3:6   For I the LORD do not change; therefore you ARE NOT CONSUMED.

Psalm 33:11  The counsel of the LORD stands forever, the plans of his hear to all generations.

Revelation 22:13  I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.

It is through the Constant of the Great I AM and His love that we can have unwavering security, certainty and peace no matter circumstance.

 

Which led to the second stream of thought as I came back to those lyrics… “Stop children what’s that sound, everybody look what’s going down”… ”Paranoia strikes deep, into your life it will creep, it starts when you’re always afraid” … and a reminder that “nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong”. And the words UNITY and LOVE provoked my mind and my being.  There has never really been a time without division, some level of anxiety or uncertainty in this country  - war for independence, war for individual rights and freedom, war AGAINST slavery and FOR human dignity, war against racial holocaust, unrest for equality, cries for right to life, cries against injustice, extreme “passionate protest” of domestic terrorism.  Somehow WE the people were able to overcome by choosing understanding, compassion, love, hope, faith in each other while holding on to FAITH in the Father. We chose to view our neighbor, our fellow citizens, as those who may have different views yet a fellow human who deserved respect.  We chose to be responsible and realize that our actions must not be based on paranoia resulting in destruction and division.  We chose rather to use our disappointment and our energy to POSITIVELY affect those around us and in our community resulting in RESPECT and UNITY.

It is my prayer today for each of us to STOP AND LOOK AROUND, to not allow the PARANOIA creep in as we fear outcomes or as once again circumstance around us shakes emotions, to CHOOSE RESPECT and UNITY, to find the ability to rise above and express or perform actions that BUILD not divide, to LOVE ONE ANOTHER as HE FIRST LOVED US.  I pray for this nation… yes.  BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I PRAY FOR EACH OF OUR HEARTS.

2 Corinthians 13:11  Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice!  Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace.  And the God of love and peace will be with you.

Ephesians 4:32  to be mad new in the attitude of our minds.

Philippians 2:3  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.

Romans 14:19  Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

Psalm 133:1  How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!

Use your words.....

Overwhelmed. Tired. Emotional. Determined. Broken. Release. Wept. Pause. View. Realize. Perspective. Seek. Mindful. Intentional. Reset. Open. Floodgate. Begin. Forward.

It’s been several weeks now that life has been being lived in a time and world that we could have not fully comprehended prior.  These weeks have caught up with me. 

Professionally I function in an environment surrounded by amazing people - we are constantly meeting immediate needs, diagnosing, treating, training, assisting, nurturing, giving, encouraging, solving, monitoring... going.  We compartmentalize our lives, suppress feelings and needs, build walls inside our minds to focus on job-duty-and mostly the well being of the patient.

But….

These weeks have caught up – PANDEMIC – daily numbers increase, inadequacies of a system are being exposed, suffering increases, shortages, hoarding, isolation, fear.

These weeks have caught up – PANIC AND HYSTERIA – ring out with constant “coverage” and “news” that feeds on itself and focuses and “reports” devastation, desperation, disheartened.

These weeks have caught up – the realization that ‘temporary measures’ may not be so temporary and all of us - professional, family, educational, retail, supply, medical – ALL OF US – are having to navigate living life in a different world.

These weeks have caught up – the compartmentalization, the suppression, the walls… were breached by tears.  My mind and my heart acknowledged a growing list:

- my inadequacies in meeting needs at work- for clients not only in their treatment but in their isolation

-the exhaustion of trying to do a job within the reality of many limitations and knowing what is to come

-being with an awesome team that not only supports those they serve but continually adjusts, dives in, accommodates and does all it takes to meet that need while helping each other as well

-seeing and feeling … Knowing - the toll that all of it is on each of them (and me) on the inside and yet it’s all pushed further down because the need and the job grow

- my inadequacies in my family role – emotional and physical weariness sometimes don’t leave much in the tank for the most important roles in my life as wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend

- my personal fears that cause me to isolate myself physically and emotionally from others

-guilt – don’t have the energy to interact once I leave the workplace, the dust builds, the clutter grows, I’m tired, ….

- Did I say fear? – for me, I see reality up close daily, I’ve also personally lived what many consider to be their greatest fear and while I know with faith and God’s promise and grace it was survived – even the possibility of walking that path again … I can’t breathe when fear grabs me.

These weeks have caught up –

As quickly as the tears came, they ended and the words began:

Overwhelmed, fear, illness, need, inadequacy, isolation, hopelessness, negativity, stupidity, partisan, disaster, pandemic, suffering, tired, desperate, devastation, weariness, need, helplessness, loneliness, uncertainty, suppress, compartmentalize, failure, division, broken, conflict, anger, frustration, blame, loss, death, distancing, urgent, despondent, sorrow, empty, numb,  gloom, hurt, …

The words continued:

Care, sacrifice, resilience, survival, help, treatment, honesty, openness, compassion, strength, support, generosity, ingenuity, thoughtfulness, kindness, humanity, presence, perseverance, renewal, community, resolution, patience, encouragement, trust, comfort, faith, love, hope, joy…

Words.  These units of language, labels, utterances, meanings for all that I’d been experiencing yet suppressing now identified or allowed to be expressed. 

I needed to “use my words”.  

In this “different world” at present we are surrounded constantly by the chaos of the expression of words for the events.   Perhaps what we need isn’t to have words bombarding us from the outside, but rather to allow words flow – openly, honestly, freely – real words  - flow from inside. 

It is only after we empty our thoughts and hearts of these words that we can allow words in that will renew and strengthen – even heal. But we need to be mindful and intentional which words we hold on to.

WORD.

I’m suddenly hit by the fact that there is one WORD that holds all I need -  THE WORD.    And the flood of words now continues …

Psalm 46:10 – Be still and know that I am God.

Romans 5:3- 5 – We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us because God’s love has been poured out into our hears through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Philippians 4:6-7 – Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

.

Isaiah 40: 29-31 – He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Romans 8:38 – 39 – For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, or any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

John 16:33 - I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart I have overcome the word!

Romans 8:26 - In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

1 Thessalonians 4:13ff – Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.  For we believe that Jesus died and rose again.

Proverbs 17:22 – A cheerful heart is good medicine

Jeremiah 17:14 – Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.

2 Corinthians 4:16 – Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

Hope

Hope. That word seems to be heard often this time of year. 

We have just experienced the “Season of Joy; with all its “Merry” and find ourselves turning attention toward a new year.  Each of us have wishes, desires or a yearning for what we would like this coming year to hold.    

Hope.  To wish; to desire; to want; optimism; rosiness; a longing; a yearning; an ambition.

Hopes.  We’ve all use that word in facing what the future may hold.  For some it may be transformation or change; for others it may be healing; it could be a success of some kind; or simply what one perceives may bring happiness.  But wishing or wanting doesn’t always make it so.

This may lead to times when one is ‘afraid to hope’.  Perhaps there is dread or fear that what you are longing for – healing of illness or disease; repair of a broken relationship; achieving financial success, notoriety or status; or obtaining a material item anticipating happiness – won’t be gained or achieved. Yet there is still a clinging to that mere possibility with the ‘hope against hope’ despite having doubt or knowledge that something is not likely.  In many ways the foundation of one’s such hope lies in a feeling or belief that whether or not the wish is brought to fruition is largely dependent on the amount or strength of the person’s hope. One strives to be able to maintain optimism in the face of the unlikely or to keep up the illusion of a rosy outlook for the wish/desire despite circumstance.  It is presumed that if you have enough hope – if you truly are ‘hopeful’– it might just happen.  Anything is supposed to be possible if you choose to hope.

As I stood still with the word hope I discovered that the true meaning of hope comes from the word ‘elpis’ - the primary ‘elpo’ which is rooted differently from today’s ‘hoping’, desiring or wishing.

HOPE.  Trust; confidence; rely; an expectation of what is sure or certain. 

Having HOPE is actually having an expectation with the confidence and the reliance that it will come to past in with certainty.  You trust it will happen not just wish for it.

And here’s the beauty of real HOPE.  It’s the Christmas ‘Season of Joy’ -  the babe in the manger, Emanuel - that leads to our new year’s ‘Season of HOPE’. 

The key to HOPE’s confidence and trust is that it is not reliance on the what we are hoping for but rather in whom we are hoping.  You see, circumstance can be beyond our control.  As a human being our strength (of mind, body or spirit) may not be sustainable, may wane or have limits.  All of which may dim our hope.  Hope that something will occur or be had simply by desiring it often will lead to disappointment.

Martin Luther King Jr once stated “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”  As I’ve walked through this earthly journey, I’ve painfully learned my wishing, desiring, wanting…  my hoping… is finite and actually quite limited in its effect.  But I’ve also learned that HOPE – sustainable HOPE – HOPE that is had and maintained despite circumstance – HOPE that goes beyond understanding that brings peace which guards our hearts and minds – is only possible when it is placed in the Infinite One – Wonderful Counselor, Almighty God, Everlasting Father., the Prince of Peace.  With confidence and certainty, I know my needs will be met, that outcomes will strengthen me and even the darkest of circumstance hold blessings.

It is my prayer that you may HOPE confidently with reliance and trust as you step into the year ahead.

ISAIAH 40:31  Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  The will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  

Romes 15:13  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Hebrew 11:1  Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Romans 5:3-5  We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us because God's love has been poured into our heart through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us.