Losing faith...

 

Losing faith…

I have heard this phrase spoken in a few different contexts as of late and it made me think a bit – actually a bit more than a bit.

I’ve noted as I commute to work and run necessary errands that there are more and more individuals and even families on corners holding signs in desperation – “looking for human kindness”, “Any bit helps”, “Lost everything please help”, “silence is compliance”, “I used to be someone”, “Blah, blah, blah… is anyone reading, does anyone care”.  Homelessness is seen on city streets everywhere. 

We are years into a world pandemic in which viral infection spreads causing more than illness – separation, isolation, fear, anxiety, death, mourning, loss.

We live in an ever increasing culture of contempt - divisive politicians, policies, platforms, theories, media with hate, anger, and confusion.

We function in the environments of intellectual intolerance –slanted perspectives or bias in which some seek to silence others, to shout down the other, listening only with intent to reply unable to use critical thinking or openly allow discussion of elemental concepts and truths.

We are daily exposed to violence – open vandalism, destruction, defacement, assault, murder, and war.

One scientific journal has called attention to society’s growing empathy deficit.  People are losing faith… in government, in each other, in simple humanity.

Losing faith… to become disillusioned, embittered or doubtful; to give up; to lose hope; to stop believing.

If I was to truly be honest, I’d have to admit to noticing that perhaps I’ve been losing faith.  Symptoms may be evident in the form of frustration, the ever-growing noise of my thoughts, cynicism, disconnect, and growing isolation. 

Once again, I must stand still.

There’s a quote that has been brought to my attention …

“If you look at the world you’ll be distressed.  If you look within, you’ll be depressed.  But if you look at Christ, you’ll be at rest”. – Corrie ten Boom

If there was any one person in a moment of time caught in the chaos of violence, hatred, anger, confusion, isolation, fear, death, loss – someone who had every reason to find herself losing faith – it may have been Corrie ten Boom.

And yet she rested in Faith… complete trust and confidence, reliance, dependence, optimism, hope and conviction. 

Perhaps through adjusting where I am looking when the world overwhelms – I can experience less of ‘losing faith’ and more of “keep the faith’. 

Keep the Faith – remain optimistic especially in the face of adversity or challenge.

Keep the faith!  - an exclamation/statement of encouragement or solidarity. 

Keep the faith – to carry on, continue the good work.

Is it just that easy…? ‘Keep the faith’?

We are told that “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1) and “we should walk by faith, not be sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7).  Somehow for me at times it isn’t that easy to just willingly to give up any semblance of control in life that I think I may have.  I’m especially encouraged at this point in recalling "If you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you" (Matthew 17:20).  When I feel as if I'm 'losing faith', knowing even the smallest bit I have in keeping is an unmeasurable source of strength and power.

It provides comfort; overcomes stress and anxiety; provides strength; leads to a more fulfilled life and gives purpose.  A Faith witnessed can encourage others and begin a new cycle of the prior list of benefits for others. 

As I ‘keep the faith’ and look beyond circumstance I am reminded that the greatest gift faith brings is salvation – an eternal perspective.  ”But we are not like those who turn their backs on God and seal their fate. We have faith that assures our salvation” (Hebrews 10:39).  For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8). 

So friend, does this world get you feeling like you're 'losing faith'?  Where are you looking?  You can leave the shadow of 'distressed, depressed' and be "at rest" even if you 'have a little faith'.  I pray that you 'Keep the Faith'.  And "May the God of HOPE fill you with ALL JOY and PEACE as you TRUST in Him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit"(Romans 15:13).

Forsaken

 

Forsaken.  Not a word one often uses.  But a word perhaps felt more often than some may want to say.

… he stood out side his wife’s window every day – rain, snow, cold. The pandemic rules would not allow him to be by her side as she lay in bed struggling to breathe.  Weeks went by for her all the while unable to sense his presence, feel his hand on hers, hear his voice; isolated from all that was familiar.

… they were supposed to be healers providing care enabling patients to return home to loved ones.  Instead, they were helpless as hundreds entered the doors.  They looked into the eyes filled with fear and desperation, often holding a phone for one to hear loved one’s voice as intubation occurred. Often standing quietly holding a hand as last breaths were taken so one would not die alone.  And as the virus spread sometimes it was the hand of a fellow worker they held.

…they went to work daily to provide care for those who survived, for those who were older and unable to care for themselves.  Day after day not only experiencing the fatigue the job routinely may bring but now daily witnesses to isolation that drained life, having to cover extra shifts, travel to aid other facilities, exposed to the unknown possibly to be the conduit by which their own homes or loved ones would fall prey to.

… families unable to gather to support one another in loss or honor the one who was no more.

…. Owners of a family business rooted in a community for decades watched helplessly as masked individuals broke windows, lit fires, looted and spraypainted the shell that remained – a life of building, supporting community, a livelihood wiped out by hypocrites in the name of justice.

… he took a breath through the bandana around his face.  Heat and smoke gripped his throat.  90% of all structures in town no longer stood including his home which was lost as he fought to save the homes of others.  Thousands of acres burned.  Ash fell hundreds of miles north and the sky was a sickening brownish orange.

…families quarantined, jobs paused or no longer held, struggling - realizing the rent, utilities, groceries, aren’t balancing.

… a society now filled with a culture of contempt nurturing division, unrest and hatred.

 …she spent days in a basement bunker hiding with her two children before she fled.  “I was ready to die”.  First the airplanes and bombs came every few hours, then every 30 minutes, then every fifteen.  There was the constant smell of gunpowder and images of bodies on the street with nowhere to go.

 

We are living in an uncertain time of upheaval.  We each have uniquely experienced this point history in ways that have overwhelmed.  Fear, unrest, anxiety, isolation, discord, depression, loneliness, doubt, exhaustion, sadness, discouragement, distancing, division, burnout, loneliness, disconnect…   There is no fathomable or measurable way to complete the list. 

Forsaken – abandoned. To have been left, deserted, surrendered, set aside, cast off.

Perhaps this word “forsaken” describes best what is being felt…by the patient; the victim abused or discriminated; the medical worker; the citizen whose political class has forgotten; the widow or widower; the orphan; the refugee; the homeless; the elderly; the single parent; the firefighter; the police officer; the teacher; the child; the neighbor…you….me.

It’s taken awhile to acknowledge that the continued onslaught of events over the past few years has eroded wellbeing… mine, yours, ours.  Sometimes people experience a huge massive loss or life altering event that is a tsunami crashing through life with obvious devastation in its wake.  But we have had an unrelenting, uncontrollable, unforgiving storm pattern that continues to bring floods leaving us constantly wading through mud and trying to keep our heads above water.  Some times we don’t realize the cumulative effect as we ignore various parts of the storm or convince ourselves we are far removed from certain parts of the storm until the water comes rushing through the middle of our lives.  The thing that is unique about this set of storms is that the first round forced us to abandon (forsake) a good portion of our lifeboat communities.  For some that length of time has caused disconnect – some have moved along with smaller more immediate supports unwittingly forsaking others; some no longer are capable of reaching out or flagging down the nearest lifeboat holding on to whatever lifesaver they can now on their own and some still struggle immensely to gasp their next breath of air with the continued onslaught and wave of events.  Maybe each of us at varied times can relate a bit too closely to each of the fore mentioned situations. 

What is needed to continue our journey now  - in spite of continued showers – is to acknowledge this word – “forsaken”.  Identify how we’ve been affected and allow ourselves to openly feel what it may bring.  Then move forward with intent.

Move forward purposefully seeking our lifeboats.  Move forward purposefully noticing those around us that may need the refuge of our lifeboat and make room – reach out so as not to unwittingly forsake another.  Move forward intentionally rebuilding the lifeboat community.  Move forward knowing you it’s okay to call out for help.  Each of these will be effortful, need time, and may result being stuck in another onslaught back with that word “forsaken”.

Truth is we do have an anchor of hope in which we are never truly forsaken.  There is ONE that is sovereign over all that may come.  No matter the event, no matter the situation, no matter how abandoned we may feel  or seem, we will always have  this anchor of assurance in the promises of ONE who is ever present, ever knowing and all powerful.  There is no struggle against the fatigue, the fear, the anxiety, the isolation.  There is just surrender into the arms of the ONE who loves and won’t let go.  And we are promised security, assurance, presence and strength.

 

Deuteronomy 31:6  Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your GOD, He is the One who goes with you.  He will not leave you nor forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:8  And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you.  He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear or be dismayed

Joshua 1:5  No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life; as I was with Moses, so I will be with you.  I will not leave you nor forsake you.

Ezra 9:9  Yet our GOD did not forsake us in our bondage; but He extended mercy to us.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9  We are hard-pressed on every side yet not crushed, we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed.

Matthew 28:20  And lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.

Romans 8:38-39  For I am convinced that neither death no life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present not the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our LORD.

 

AMIDST

 

And here I am. 

Standing Still.

In this moment.

Amidst.   In the middle of … reflection of a year gone by – the year to come.

Amidst.  Surrounded by … memories that hold sorrow and memories that hold joy.

Amidst.  Between… yesterday and tomorrow.

Amidst.  In the thick of… the noise and busyness of my thoughts.

Amidst.  Throughout the course of… days bombarded with societal unrest, division, anger, ‘wokeness’ and chaos.

Amidst.  Enveloped, encircled, and covered… ALWAYS, by the Father’s love, refuge, renewal, comfort and Presence.

In this moment… in every moment, I’m amidst.

 What are you amidst? 

I posed this questions to a group of friends and answers began to pour:

“Pain – the challenge of living with a chronic health issue that makes even the simplest of tasks difficult; having your body rebel against you and learning to let things go (and to do only what brings joy).

Discontent – stagnant, emptiness that makes life feel lost – an illusion – (hoping there is light at the end of the tunnel).”

“Finding myself again after immense change and challenge (wanting to do so before the time to leave this world comes – it’s a big journey, splendid, scary and surprising).”

“Inspiration – excited to be making a piece of art for submission to a gallery!”

“Dealing with the changing roles from being the child to caring for a parent with advanced dementia –(I will make it no matter this storm in this stage of the cycle of life).”

“Aging – frustrated learning limitations (and finding there are things left to learn and enjoy).”

“Sadness – trying to move on from loss and let go of anger, expectations – just waking up each day, breathing and stepping forward”.

“Loneliness – life has become so disconnected with this pandemic.”

“Exhaustion – work never ends; I hate the bad news and all the bad feelings everyone has.”

“Family – the holiday season brings us from all over, we reconnect.”

“Missing someone – holding memories ‘til we meet again.”

“A move!   - overwhelmed having to let go, sort, and start (but anticipating the next chapter).”

“Fullness – having an adult child and family move in.  Adjusting.  Enjoying.”

“Waiting – a lot hangs in the balance here.”

Amidst. 

This moment as I stand still with this word my spirit grasps on to several things –

I am not Amidst alone – each of us lives life Amidst.  Perhaps there is great growth and support to be found in opening our hearts, our experiences and needs; to reach out for strength: to give strength as you stand still with one who’s Amidst.

It is good to mindfully acknowledge what one finds themselves Amidst.  Name it.  Then…

it is good to purposefully seek to find and be amidst… MORE.  A quiet place to stand still amidst the chaos and the begin to breathe, trust and abide in the Great I AM.

 

Father,   

We are thankful for your invitation “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest (Mark 6:31).  As we each find ourselves amidst – chaos, comfort, exhaustion, loss, support, change, comfort, anxiety, kindness, perseverance, tears, laughter – whatever it may be, assure us.  Assure us whatever else we may be amidst, we are always and forever amidst Your presence, Your love, Your strength, Your JOY.  Assure us in a tangible way directly or through one You may send. 

 

Romans 8: 37-39   -In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

Matthew 28:20   And surely, I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

 

Isaiah 40:29  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

 

! Peter 5:7  Cast all you cares on Him, because He cares for you.

 

Ecclesiastes 3:11  He has made everything beautiful in its own time.  He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from the beginning to the end.

 

Lamentation 3: 22-23  The LORD’s compassions never fail; His mercies are new each day. 

 

 Isaiah 43:19  Behold, I am about to do something new; even now It is coming.  Do you not see it?  Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness and streams in the desert.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I AM WILLING

 

As Lent began this year, as part of the red-letter challenge, I made a conscious decision to spend some time studying the Gospel of Mark. Of the four gospels it is probably the one in which I’ve spent the least amount of time.  Right away in chapter 1, two verses grabbed hold of my attention and filled me with deep thought. 

Shortly after Jesus began His ministry He was preaching in Galilee in the synagogues. Verses 40 and 41….“And a leper came to him, imploring him and kneeling said to him “If you are willing, you can make me clean.  Moved with compassion, He stretched out His hand and touched him and said to him “I AM WILLING.  Be clean”.

“I AM WILLING.” Christ said.  No hesitation; no pause or wait.  Immediate response … ‘I AM WILLING”.

I was struck by the affirming declaration of willingness with such instant action.  “I am willing.  Be clean”.  I thought about the word “will”.

'Will'
– from the Greek ‘theleo” - to intend, design, to purpose, be inclined.

Quite a few times I’ve gone to the Father in prayer with a request which often ended “if it be Thy will”.  Wondering if God would deign to be inclined. Sometimes quietly and somewhat disappointedly finding no such intention or inclination as I waited and life unfolded with a journey that was … darker or longer or more challenging.  This left me at times defeated or exasperated, maybe even hurt as I faced His will for me.  The King was not so inclined to grant the request of this lowly subject – not an easy answer to receive in the middle of pain.

That statement – God’s voice speaking those words “I AM WILLING” – echoed in my thoughts.  What was it about it that had grabbed hold of me?  I dug deeper into this word ‘will’ and found that here, as my Savior spoke “I AM WILLING’ the Greek word is ‘Etheleo’.  There is a subtilty added to the meaning with that letter “E”.

 ‘Etheleo’  - to desire, be disposed, purposefully,  mean,  love, please.  

Christ’s red-letter words were saying ‘I so DESIRE to heal you.’ ‘It is My PLEASURE to heal you’, ‘I would LOVE to’.   This is a personal relational response; a response from a loving Lord and Father to His child.

As I further consider ‘Etheleo’ my mind fills again with thought going back to some of the prayers I prayed most earnestly and there is actual comfort in reconsidering the answers.  The LORD works out everything to its proper end (Proverbs 16:4a).  I know His “Etheleo” is really “good, pleasing and perfect” (Romans 12:2).  And in His “Etheleo” He told us through the Apostle Paul “all things work together for good to those who love God” (Romans 8:28) - a statement He immediately follows and reinforces saying “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ (Romans 8:38-39). I still find the fact that I had to accept an answer that was so difficult to receive and journey through.  Sometimes I look back and realize great blessings came through that answer that I would have never ever had otherwise – or I realize even greater hardship would have been endured if my supplication was granted in that moment. 

“I AM WILLING.”  The words now fill not only my thoughts but my heart. 

‘Etheleo’ – HE is willing to hear my prayer every time I approach.

“Etheleo’ – HE DESIRES, MEANS and LOVES to answer – I am grateful that answers come every time through a good, pleasing and perfect ‘etheleo’ that is always lovingly given and held to personally benefit HIS KID.

 My prayer for you:     

Father, I thank you for your ‘eheleo’ – that good, pleasing and perfect will you have for your children.  I pray that as a child of yours comes before you with earnest request – no matter the answer they hear, they are sustained by your Spirit as Your words “I AM WILLING” come to mind – not in questioning but in assurance.  Let their hearts hear “I AM WILLING” to give you what is better, “I AM WILLING” to desire what is good for you though you may not know just now, “I AM WILLING”  because “I LOVE YOU MY CHILD”.  Amen.

Pt. 2 Continuing "in the midst"

 

“We will always be ‘in the midst’.”

This thought has been stuck in my mind.   Just a simple verbalization of a base idea or concept yet it’s causing good depth of thought, quite a few realizations.

I had written ‘in the midst’ considering all 2020 had brought.  During the past year I have come face to face with ‘in the midst’ of the devastation, loss, isolation, long term health diagnosis, stress, anxiety, hopelessness, futility, frustration, anger and injustice.  I isolated because I didn’t want to risk contributing to pandemic by exposing others (front line SLP in SNF providing therapy for a caseload that included Covid and post-Covid).  In isolation I experienced times of being overwhelmed with emotion after being witness to patient isolation and desperation.  I experienced being the only hand they’d held in weeks; was the only voice singing happy birthday or a carol, held the phone for them so they could hear the voice of a loved one from whom they’ve been separated for months; and dabbed their tears away as I silently prayed for this child of God.  Physically I have experienced the exhaustion of longer days; donning and doffing over every threshold; covering caseloads in multiple buildings and having to decontaminate and totally change clothing between buildings; testing weekly to try and screen all the while knowing I had loved ones that I could possibly infect if not vigilant.  Once through the day, emotional tolls hit the family as well -I often do not anything left physically or emotionally to interact, participate, or even feel.  

As I kept considering living ‘in the midst’, I realized I’ve been in a place of ‘in the midst’ of life’s shadows quite often.  While most people get to middle age and start looking forward to a different easier pace of life, I decided to take a few educational classes which unexpectedly led to finding myself ‘in the midst’ of major life change which included working toward and earning a Master’s in one of the most competitive intensive coursework programs to obtain a degree.  The last time I had been in college we were still using notebooks, paper, typewriters … there was a crazy learning curve just to function within the program.  And ‘in the midst’ of this period of time I was diagnosed with chronic health issues (ultimately contributing to a 5 hour surgery several years later and continues to be challenging).  ‘In the midst’ of struggling my mom passed away.  Funny how even as a middle-aged adult your mother is an integral part of life.  She was my encourager, friend, sounding board, prayer warrior, mentor – I miss her prayers – I miss the sound of her voice.  ‘In the midst’ of this all I was learning that the most unexpected, unprepared and oddly difficult part of a parent’s journey is the transition of parenting once your children reach young adulthood.  And personally, our lives will forever be lived ‘in the midst’ of having experienced the loss of our daughter – an occurrence that is now such a foundational part of who we are as individuals and a family and how we live our lives.  Bittersweet.

I know each of you have lived ‘in the midst’ of the shadow of life events – maybe you are standing in that shadow right now… broken relationship, financial strife, health challenge, loss of a loved one, family concerns, crisis of faith, change, uncertainty.

All my musing and thought comes down to the conclusion that this journey of life is lived completely ‘in the midst’ – ‘in the midst’.   

Personal realization – I’ve been living ‘in the midst’ of life’s challenges, losses, events, changes and uncertainties yet finding moments and times to seek and experience calm, peace, laughter, joy and hope.

Personal paradigm shift – What if… what if my life is lived continually or for the most part ‘in the midst’ of PEACE? lived continually ‘in the midst’ of HOPE? lived continually ‘in the midst’ of JOY?  - not overshadowed by all the other chaos…    

Challenge accepted and paradigm shifted!  How is this possible?  It isn’t if I’m trying to do it on my own.  It is if I realize I CAN because of GRACE ‘in the midst”. 

It is my prayer for you to know GRACE ‘in the midst’ that will allow you to live life ‘in the midst’ of JOY, PEACE and HOPE.

Phil 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Romans 15:13 - “May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.   Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

                                                                                                           

Nehemiah 8:10 “This is a sacred day before our LORD.  Don’t be dejected and sad, for the JOY of the LORD is your strength!”