KNOWING

It seems that over the past few years, over and over the phrase “unprecedented times’ has been used.  Collectively, we have been through the chaos of pandemic, isolation, division, economic strife, hysteria, and social unrest.  Yet each of us have had a profoundly unique experience.

I have struggled at times - moment by moment; hour by hour; day by day - with living amidst the unexpected and the uncertainties. As the calendar flips to a new year, there is reflection on the past year.  However, I find my mind is barraged with a convoluted mess of words that flood through my thoughts.  I realize that for me, the reflection is not that of a sole year experienced.  The last three years or so seem to be inseparable in experience… impact… growth.  I was both witness to and experienced more that I was able to process in the midst of all of it - Fear, Anxiety, Illness, Isolation, Suffering, Loneliness, Sadness, Mourning, Emptiness, Loss, Death, Darkness, Fatigue, Exhaustion, Brokenness, Sorrow, Unrest, Negativity, Defeat, Struggle, Numbness, Pause, View, Realization, Weeping, Release, Feeling, Rest, Restoration, Seeking, Reset, Mindfulness, Intentionality, Overwhelm, Floodgate, Breathing, Trusting, Beginning, Abiding…

Again, all of it a collective experience – yet so very uniquely, impactfully lived and felt by every single person.

 

Every year I choose a word to define the year to come for myself.  I try to use it to identify a focus; a lens for which to view the coming experiences of the new year; to mindfully and intentionally live in the light of the word.  During ‘these unprecedented times,’ each new year I wanted to have that chosen word be “JOY”.  This is the fourth year I have whispered the word ‘JOY’ to the new year. Yet each new year had instead given me a different word to live with.  Providence granted me the word I needed.

 

BREATHE – inhale, exhale -inhale, exhale.  That year there were many moments I felt that struggle to breathe emotionally, mentally… spiritually.  Anxiety, fear, isolation, uncertainty all seemed to smother my being.  That year I feared for loved one’s health – began to ‘isolate’ which slowly caused disconnect in so many aspects of life.  But at the same time as a medical professional, I was thrown into the middle of all the pandemic brought – illness, end of life, struggle to maintain health and life of others (and myself), quarantine brought so much pain and sadness, separation and loneliness for people and families at times that were supposed to be experienced with the presence of loved ones. I wanted that year to intentionally place JOY as my word but I was told by the Father to BREATHE.  …Inhale, exhale… pause for breath… rest.  This word was a reminder – when the feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, sadness, loneliness darkened me I had to BREATHE – inhale, exhale; pause, rest.

“And He said to them, ‘Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.” – Mark 6:31

 

TRUST – reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety of The Father; Confident expectation.  That next year so many of the same struggles continued to overwhelm.  Uncertainty during pandemic began to cause isolation, division, and unrest that deepened all the while policies that were supposed to help and protect added and continued pain, sadness, frustration, fatigue…   I knew at this point I could breathe.  I found ways to pause and rest.  This gave the ability to function.  But with no end to chaos in sight, to intentionally BREATHE didn’t always feel a strategy that was sustainable for a continuous, indefinite, unforeseen, uncertain length of time. As much as I wanted and intended to cling to the word JOY – that year the Father spoke the word TRUST.   Walk each step each day in faith.  The Spirit encourage my days whispering ‘TRUST”… BREATHE and TRUST.

“Trust in the LORD with all  your heart, and lean not on your own understanding…In all your ways (as you do your job, as you hold the hand, as you comfort others, as you see and experience loss, as you dig through your own numbness and doubts to be the one to hold up or encourage another, as you fight to feel, as you doubt, as you cry out, as you find glimmers and embrace fleeting ‘normalness’) – In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your path.”  - Proverbs 3:5-6

 

ABIDE – remain; continue; stay; dwell; reside.  The next year again, I hesitantly said … JOY?  And the word ABIDE was placed in my heart.  Some lived this year feeling able to get out of the shadow of pandemic – Some of us existed very much within the confines of the territory of the pandemic.  By now isolation had birthed and nurtured divisiveness, negativity that had gone unchecked, intolerance, debt, anger, depression and numbers individuals suffering with mental health issues that have never been seen before… and effects we still have not grasped as societies and as individuals.  But as I took those pauses to BREATH and over and over repetitively placed TRUST - I was reminded throughout the year to ABIDE.  Circumstance, experiences, feelings continued.  I had no bit of control or couldn’t change or manage any of the chaos but I could BREATHE… TRUST (albeit hesitantly) … and ABIDE.   ABIDE in the presence of the one WHO IS, WAS and ALWAYS will be.  ABIDE in the ONE who is LOVE. 

“I have come as a LIGHT into the world, that whoever believes in Me will not abide in darkness.” (john 12:46).

“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; ABIDE in my love.” (John 15:9)

 

And now as I sit with the beginning of this new year, I didn’t try to choose my word.  I was intentionally still and waited for the word to be given.

“Be still and know that I am GOD.” (Psalm 46:1)

KNOW.   To perceive or understand as fact or truth; to apprehend clearly with certainty. To be cognizant or aware of. 

“Be still and KNOW…” 

The past three years – in all my experiences, in all my growth, through the emotion and feelings… I could declare “I KNOW.”   And KNOWING anchors me.  KNOWING allows me to live above and beyond any uncertainty and unknown.  I KNOW peace, hope, love and joy… that feeling I’ve chased through the turmoil of all.  For this year, I will live KNOWING.  KNOWING I am His beloved child.  KNOWING I am secure.  KNOWING that through His grace and mercy I will one day rest where there is no more sorrow, no more pain. KNOWING I am never alone.  KNOWING…

 

My prayer for you is to rest, live, love, have joy, have peace, have hope no matter what this new year holds. My prayer for you is KNOWING – you are His beloved child.  May you carry this word through the new year with your own personal word that you are given.

 

“And those who know Your name will put their trust in YOU; for YOU, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.” (Psalm 9:10)

“Cause me to hear Your loving kindness in the morning, for in You I do trust; Cause me to know the way in which I should walk” (Psalm 143:8)

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  And seek my and call upon me and I will hear you.” (Jeremiah 29:11-12)

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in HIM. So that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)