Relationships

We are made for relationship.  Studies have shown that having social connections improves your health and even length of life – constant interaction is not only beneficial psychologically but directly beneficial to our physical health.

Relationship.  A connection, association or involvement; a connection between persons; a bond; interconnection; kinship; link; rapport; relevance.

I’ve been standing still with “relationship”.  I find myself at a point in life – this “midlife”- of deeper contemplation.  Two of my children are now “adult” – the youngest now a young man. My relationships with my children are morphing yet again.  I’m adapting once more to the people they’ve become – even though I can look at them and still see the child they once were forever locked in my heart.  I’m rediscovering certain aspects of relationship with my husband as our focus shifts from a very active family life to couple life. Professional relationships have changed as I now find myself back in school pursuing a new career.  And then there are my friendships… some I’ve been reconnecting with, one or two have grown stronger and there are those I miss – that have slipped away due to time, distance…circumstance.  And extended family relationships… time and distance have changed some of those as well… circumstance…. Well, sometimes family can be so easy but sometimes so very not.

In standing still with “relationship” I’ve decided a few things:

 I think we all have hopes or expectations about how and what relationships should be, but the fact is that relationships seldom live up to expectation or hopes.  I’ve learned it is unrealistic to put my personal expectation on someone – it automatically sets that relationship up for failure. People are human.  I know I possess so many flaws, shortcomings – hidden hurts and burdens. They each have their own as well.

Relationships are not static. They are constantly changing – life situations change, experiences happen, people change (I’m definitely not the same person I was at 18 or 22 or 35 or 40 or even just last year), time goes by.

 Attention is necessary to maintain a relationship – whether it is personal time, quick texts or note or maybe even that yearly Christmas letter.  Connections are maintained through some sort of contact which is balanced.

 Balance is needed.  A relationship requires something that is two way.  It can’t be one sided to be a true relationship.  One of the best pieces of advice a mentor once gave me was to step back and wait.  Value is shown by how one invests time – if that isn’t being pursued by both sides that relationship has a different value and meaning to each individual.

 It’s okay to let a relationship be what it is.  It’s okay to consider someone a friend yet they think of you as a co-worker or just a neighbor.  It’s okay to have relationships in different circles at different levels at different depths.

As uncertain, unbalanced, and constantly changing all relationships are – I’ve learned one absolute.

There is One with whom it is possible to have a relationship that will always be certain; One who will always take me as I am; One who values me beyond measure; One who fills me up, mends my heart, and simply loves me unconditionally. One who never changes.

God.

 

Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 43:1 “I have called you by name, you are mine.”
Isaiah 43:3 “ For I am the Lord you God”
Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.”
Matthew 28:20 “and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
Ephesians 3:17ff “you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

Reclaimed

I have a good friend who had a birthday not long ago. 

The time I spent with her for her birthday has had my thoughts occupied.

For her birthday I decided to take her on a birthday date.  I didn’t take her to a nice place for a lunch or go for pampering and a pedicure …. I took her to a salvage center.  A HUGE big old building filled with old construction material – windows, doors, tile, knobs, hinges, lighting fixtures, sinks, tubs, screws, screens, brackets, … and wood – all kinds of wood from framing to baseboards; from furniture grade scrap to old lumber.

You see, my friend enjoys wood working as a hobby.  She takes old discarded wood and makes things that are useful… beautiful.  There’s been a few times I have found myself driving around with her and stopping to load old fence wood or recruited to unload pallets from the back of her SUV.

On this day, there it stood 8 feet tall among many other old boards. It was old, stained, marked. There were areas deeply darkened by time and weathering; many splatters and paint rings; scars from old nails or screws; yellow tread marks.

Most people would glance right over it. Dismiss it.  It no longer had purpose. It seemingly had little if any worth.
My friend and I lifted it out of the lumber rack.  She ran her hand over it – looked at it from all sides.  Smiling she looked at me and said “this is the one”.  A price was paid for what most would deem waste or a loss. And a treasure was brought home. In time with care, vision and work – there will once again be beauty and purpose…and value. 

Reclaimed. Recovered from discard and refuse. To be brought back to be useful, usable and preferred. To be restored.

As I’ve stood still with my thoughts about the birthday adventure, I see myself in that piece of wood. I carry scars from tragedy and hurts.  I feel weathered by time and life – I have so many stains and flaws – anxiety; fear; at times judgmental, impatient, unforgiving; failures; misunderstandings; shortcomings.

There are times of doubting; times of feeling dismissed – what’s my worth; what’s the purpose; am I valued?
Standing still, I’m pretty sure each of us can relate to that old board.

 

There is one who sees past my stains and scars.  One who has paid the price for my soul and being.  One to whom I am not discard or by whom I am not dismissed.  One to whom I am valued beyond measure, treasured and loved despite how I may appear.  

It’s humbling and amazing to be reclaimed by His love.

He takes me in whatever condition I am and uses who I am.

All those scars and stains; all that time has brought is purposed.

He looked at me and said “this is the one”.

My prayer now is for you to know your worth – God sees your beauty –– and He has a purpose for you.

YOU and I have been reclaimed.

The perfect gift

Yesterday, the family and I decided to head out to one of our local malls to finish our Christmas shopping. This mall is a bit on the larger side for our area – over 175 specialty stores and restaurants.  None of us are what you’d classify “a mall shopper”.  We are more of the ‘get in, get it, get out’ people.  …Did I mention this is the last shopping weekend before Christmas? Usually we are more of the early shopper type but it seems like this year time slipped past us.  So it was an experience!  I paired off with one of my boys, as did my husband and our daughter who was on a mission, left all of us in the dust as she set of to find the perfect gift for one of her brothers. 

The deeper into the mall child2 and I went, the more crowded and busy it got.  Child 2 looks over to me as we are pacing, dodging, and lunging through crowd spurts and says “I like the mall’. “we hardly ever come here buddy.  It’s easer to shop the strips by us – get in, get out” I reply.  He says ‘I don’t like shopping here – I like walking around and watching here.  The people are interesting.’

And on we walked.

I started to consider not the crowd, or the waves of shoppers, but the people.  They were fun to look at and watch – definitely interesting: goth teens leaning against a store front giggling about an older woman in one of the hipper stores; the dad corralling three kids while he was chasing to catch up with mom; the older gentleman sitting in a seat outside the woman’s dressing room waiting, and waiting, and..; the elderly couple holding hands as they went into the Hallmark store…There were many people in the crowd, this huge uncountable crowd, each with their own purpose – especially on this weekend before Christmas – the purpose of seeking that ‘perfect gift’.

I began to think… I know what it is like to be the one who’s found that perfect gift for that very special person.  This is a person I care so very much for and want to express my appreciation, my care, my love wrapped inside.  There is great joy in giving that perfect gift – especially when you see the great joy found when it is received.

That perfect gift… I’d bet an innumerable number of people shopping were striving for that “perfect gift’.

And then I smile – not because I already found that ‘perfect gift’, but because it hit me that I have been the recipient of “THE” perfect gift. 

It was given to me by my FATHER in a manager wrapped in swaddling cloth. I am reminded of this even by the signs all over the mall for Christmas begins with C-H-R-I-S-T.  I can proclaim with Paul “Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!”  Thinking on into the book of Ephesians I am lovingly told “for it is by grace you have been saved through faith – this is not from yourselves, it is the GIFT of God.”   I didn’t do anything to received this perfect gift – it was not my good dees or my being a good person –it was solely the grace of the  Heavenly Father and out of his great love and compassion that He found the perfect gift to give me.

Each person in this crowded mall, each person in this fear-filled, hesitant, defiant country – each person in this whole world has been given the perfect gift - His son, who would later take our punishment willingly and completely out of a very personal deep love.

It is my prayer as you search for or receive “the perfect gift’ you will reflect on THE PERFECT GIFT given for you – the FATHER’S beloved child.  It begins and is C-H-R-I-S-T-mas.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6:22-23

Tragedy

As a nation this past week we have faced two more senseless acts of violence.  A young man went into a mall for the sole reason of killing – and just days later the same act was committed in an elementary school.  People were going about their day – working, shopping, going to school – and in moments life turns to chaos.  Then, chaos turns to stillness.  It is senseless (July 20,2012 entry). What are we left with now but unspeakable sorrow.  There is heartbreaking pain over the loss of loved ones.

Gone is the father, the brother, the son, the uncle, the coach. Gone is the mother, the daughter, the wife, the friend, the co-worker.  Gone are the promising lives of children.  One was said to have had “a great sense of humor and a zest for life; a vision and belief in others that brought great joy and value to many”. One was said to have been “everybody’s friend – a wonderful person who was very caring and put others first”. 
Grief and anger bare weight on so many.
Loss spreads and darkly covers those who hear what has happened. 
Sadness for those who are gone and for their families pours out. 
But Loss is indiscriminating – we all are experiencing it.  Parents shake their heads and worry each time children leave the house.  Many say they cannot listen to the news anymore. Many think twice about even leaving the house.  We all feel loss…. Loss of freedom and the ability to feel safe; loss of innocence; loss of joy and peace of mind; and loss of HOPE as people try to enjoy living in such a flawed and hurt filled world.
Fear and anxiety invade every aspect of our thoughts.  There is a realization that tragedy and violence do not discriminate – this randomness is capable of touching any of us personally at anytime…anywhere.
Confusion abounds in our hearts and minds.  Why? What goes on in the minds of people who so maliciously or numbly perform such acts?
Once again, answers are wanted. The cruel reality is that there are none.
The loss, the confusion, the fear and anxiety will only be compounded if we pursue the why’s, how’s and what if’s.  We will be left to live this life in anger and despair; discouraged.
Truth is we live in a world where evil not only exists but thrives.  This is an imperfect world that is filled with the irrational, the ludicrous, the callous, the mindless, the hurtful, the empty, the flawed…  Peace, joy and security will never truly be found in that of this world.
Life does not have to be lived in despair.
Our pain, our fear, our anxieties can be overcome if we pour it all out and open our hearts to the One who heals, comforts, and loves beyond measure. 
As I lay my thoughts, my anger, my fear and hurt open to the Father, my tears are wiped.  I am reminded through His Word to “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you(1 Peter 5:7).”
We each need to Stand Still and know we are held in the palm of His hand, surrounded by His love.  This is the time to listen to Him for the answers that are so deeply longed for and needed. 
In this world we will live with darkness – but we can live in Hope.

“Peace I leave with you; MY peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:27
“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you” – Isaiah 66:13
“Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” – Nehemiah 8:10
I “plan to give you hope and a future” – Jeremiah 29:11
I am your “refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” –Psalm 46:1
You can be “convinced that neither death not life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate” you “from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus” – Romans 8:38-39
“BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD” – Psalm 46:1

Running ahead and wandering off…

I learn some of the best life lessons when I observe children.  Throughout my day, I found myself reflecting on a few situations I observe during my trip to the grocery store.  As I entered the store from the parking lot, a little girl was running ahead of her mom.  She was about to run into the entering traffic lane when her mom caught up to her and grabbed her hand with a yank – stopping her cold.  It was the type of situation that makes you catch your breath as you watch it unfold from a distance.  Mom, with the mixed look of panic and relief, scolded her daughter then gave her a hug and picked her up to carry her safely to their destination.
I continued on with my shopping – picking up a few items from the baking isle.  A dad rounded the corner of the isle with his son.  The boy ran straight to the chocolate chips and with an exclamation of “Found ‘em!” threw them into the cart.  Then he ran down to the end of the isle and rounded the corner.  Meanwhile, dad had stopped to pick up a few other items in the isle.  A moment later came a voice from an isle over shouting “Dad? Dad?!  Daddy!!!”  The father called the boy’s name and was met at the end of the isle with the boy hugging his leg.
Finishing my shopping in the produce section, I watched another situation unfold.  As a mom concentrated on selecting cucumbers, her two little ones wandered over to the bakery eyeing the doughnut selection.  Mom glanced up with expectations of finding them standing by the cart.  She was looking back and forth when our eyes met.  I wordlessly pointed to the bakery on the other side of the vegetable stand.  She smiled and shook her head.  When she pushed her cart to them, they looked up at her oblivious to the fact their wandering had separated them.
As I pondered reflections about each of these, I could relate so easily to the parent’s point of view.  There have been quite a few wanderings and running ahead moments experienced with my three children. 
Then it hit me.
I’ve been the child quite a few times (more than I care to admit)….running ahead…, wandering off…, separating myself from my Father.  I stood still with this thought for a bit.
I can pinpoint quite a few times when I ran ahead of God.  I saw what I perceived as a course of action; thought a certain path looked right and moved forward only to realize what may have looked really good as I started… ended up to be the wrong direction – obstacle after obstacle – leaving me weak, confused, struggling and flailing ineffectively.  My impulsive decision, my wrong approach or wandering away from God’s intended path landed me in a place where I was troubled, not in sync with others and distant from the Father.  There were times I was so oblivious that I was headed in the wrong direction action-wise or thought-wise but I can now see it was so obvious.  It took a good yank from my Father to reel me back in - often in the form of being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choice.  Yet, lovingly God protected me, set me right again and at times even carried me through until I was ready to seek His direction…seek HIM…and follow.
Why do I “follow the stubbornness of my heart”?  Can’t I see I make the journey so much longer and so much more difficult when I run ahead? 
What have I learned….?
-seek Him first
-Be Still
-Rest
-Listen
-Follow
Lessons I am still striving to implement daily.

Matthew 6:33  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Psalm 85:8  I will listen to what God the LORD says; he promises peace to his people, his faithful servants— but let them not turn to folly.
John 10:27  My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

"Those who walk with God always reach their destination"...a bit more easily and quickly.