- I get to the parking garage after a long day of working, studying and class and look up at all 5 floors wondering - I barely remember the beginning of the day, it's blur, and all that still needs to be done let alone which floor I left the van on. "Where Am I?!!"
- I just spent the last several hours under piles of research and studying. There are piles of papers around the table, my computer has multiple screens pulled up, and there's an unfinished sentence on the paper in front of me that holds my action item list. I just returned focus after a phone call that concluded with me facing and sorting through some personal things that weigh on my heart. Looking down at the spread of chaos in front of me I can only say out loud "Where Am I?!"
- Late, late at night (or early, early in the morning --- or somewhere in between) my mind and my heart reel from topic to topic and person to person. 'A' has so much going on in life and has this person making things more difficult with drama- drama 'A' doesn't need at this moment and is really only due to this person's narcissism and need for recognition. 'B' isn't sure where life is going to land after circumstance changed positions. What if's flood through my thought process about health issues as I need to make decisions regarding testing and treatment for chronic health situation after learning results. My van has twice now responded with an eerie deadness when I turned the key to start it - while it's eventually started I have a feeling of impending doom and wonder at what point are repairs really being 'nickel-ed and dime-ed to death'. Juggling school, family, projects, commitments, planning for events in my mind - each has its list of what must be done; all that I need to obtain; people to be contacted; and more. And now I'm wide awake with a migraine wondering how it got to be hours later; wondering how I'm going to get through the day and be effective; wondering where this 'adventure in thought' all began and realizing this day actually is starting ready or not. "Where Am I?!"
-I am at a meeting yet find myself toggling between multiple computer screens in down moments where I am not needed or during items don't really apply to me. We'll not mention my pulling out my phone to check messages or how I add to the notes section of my grocery list for the way home or those moments i looked at the clock then out the window thinking about a dear one who's life was just turned upside down. Looking back at the agenda and my computer I think "Where Am I?!"
These are not isolated events for me (as I am sure is the case for many). And I could go on and on with situation after situation as examples.
I don't know how I fell into this trap over the years and become so complacent about existing in this space and pace that has allowed outside forces impact me and my life to the point that I now find myself physically.... emotionally... spiritually.
Recently, life has both forced and yet so graciously and beautifully allowed me to pause and BE. I've been taking stock as to WHERE I AM and learning life lessons.
"When your mind is everywhere, it is nowhere." I didn't want to be 'nowhere'. I both want and need to be 'now here'. Going from 'nowhere' to 'now here' is just a matter of a single space. The space I take to BE. The space of time I now use to remind myself ..
"Where am I? - HERE: When am I? - NOW."
Going from 'nowhere' to 'now here' is a matter of a space in which I hold today - consciously - not allowing moments slip through my fingers half lived by worrying, longing, planning, multi-tasking and all that puts me nowhere.
Over the past few weeks I have been effortfully being 'now here'. I take the space I need to breathe - to BE. When I began this, I heard words in a song multiple times from multiple sources that I finally took space to listen to:
Breathe, just breathe. Come and rest at My feet
and BE. Just BE.
Chaos calls but all you really need
is to just breathe.
Interesting how GOD always finds ways to meet me right WHERE I AM. HE called - I listened and will hopefully continue to do so as I go through each day making that space to go from 'nowhere' to 'now here'. This is WHERE I AM.... N-O-W experiencing the blessings of joy and peace in life that 'now here' brings.
My prayer for you is to put your own space in 'nowhere' and find the same joy and peace.
