July 31, 2013


We are made for relationship.  Studies have shown that having social connections improves your health and even length of life – constant interaction is not only beneficial psychologically but directly beneficial to our physical health.

Relationship.  A connection, association or involvement; a connection between persons; a bond; interconnection; kinship; link; rapport; relevance.

I’ve been standing still with “relationship”.  I find myself at a point in life – this “midlife”- of deeper contemplation.  Two of my children are now “adult” – the youngest now a young man. My relationships with my children are morphing yet again.  I’m adapting once more to the people they’ve become – even though I can look at them and still see the child they once were forever locked in my heart.  I’m rediscovering certain aspects of relationship with my husband as our focus shifts from a very active family life to couple life. Professional relationships have changed as I now find myself back in school pursuing a new career.  And then there are my friendships… some I’ve been reconnecting with, one or two have grown stronger and there are those I miss – that have slipped away due to time, distance…circumstance.  And extended family relationships… time and distance have changed some of those as well… circumstance…. Well, sometimes family can be so easy but sometimes so very not.

In standing still with “relationship” I’ve decided a few things:

 I think we all have hopes or expectations about how and what relationships should be, but the fact is that relationships seldom live up to expectation or hopes.  I’ve learned it is unrealistic to put my personal expectation on someone – it automatically sets that relationship up for failure. People are human.  I know I possess so many flaws, shortcomings – hidden hurts and burdens. They each have their own as well.

Relationships are not static. They are constantly changing – life situations change, experiences happen, people change (I’m definitely not the same person I was at 18 or 22 or 35 or 40 or even just last year), time goes by.

 Attention is necessary to maintain a relationship – whether it is personal time, quick texts or note or maybe even that yearly Christmas letter.  Connections are maintained through some sort of contact which is balanced.

 Balance is needed.  A relationship requires something that is two way.  It can’t be one sided to be a true relationship.  One of the best pieces of advice a mentor once gave me was to step back and wait.  Value is shown by how one invests time – if that isn’t being pursued by both sides that relationship has a different value and meaning to each individual.

 It’s okay to let a relationship be what it is.  It’s okay to consider someone a friend yet they think of you as a co-worker or just a neighbor.  It’s okay to have relationships in different circles at different levels at different depths.

As uncertain, unbalanced, and constantly changing all relationships are – I’ve learned one absolute.

There is One with whom it is possible to have a relationship that will always be certain; One who will always take me as I am; One who values me beyond measure; One who fills me up, mends my heart, and simply loves me unconditionally. One who never changes.


Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 43:1 “I have called you by name, you are mine.”
Isaiah 43:3 “ For I am the Lord you God”
Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.”
Matthew 28:20 “and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
Ephesians 3:17ffyou, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”