It has seemed like the grayest stretch of what we here in Oregon call spring. It’s more than the fact that we’ve had the fewest days without a ray of sun on record in a long time. Spring has seemed to have been put on pause.
In some ways, I’ve felt my spirit has seemed torpid as well.
Torpid.
Inactive, sluggish, apathetic, lethargic, hibernating… dormant.
Lately my spirit’s season has been overshadowed in life by the clouds of my youngest son’s tough bout with a contentious lung illness; my oldest son had a spiral stress fracture in his foot causing him to have to miss the last half of a sport season; my father had been ill with pneumonia; my mother-in-law is ill with a rheumatic issue; a good friend is leaving; my daughter got a job in another state; I’m volunteering in a couple of capacities in certain areas of our community settings; went through bout of bronchitis; am out of sync with a couple of friends due to stages in mom’s life; still unsure of myself at times skill-wise in this part time marketing position I am now working; had to put on a new roof during rainy season; the 16 year old got his license and is driving – out there – alone. These are just some of the clouds that insist on hanging overhead.
Not sure which cloud was raining hardest before I started wanting a raincoat – how about an umbrella that won’t turn inside out with the next gust life sends. I am giving old Oscar a run for his title as GROUCH; I guess spirit wise I just built up my wall of sandbags and hunkered down – hibernated – went dormant.
Stepping back to Stand Still, I see the full view and shake my head. My Standing Still time as been experienced in the form of evening walks. I got my head above those sandbags I’ve had piled so high; took a look as saw that my life wasn’t as dormant as my self-focused, selfish, grouchy self thought.
While walking I noticed a little window that had grown open in a bank of clouds. The clouds framed a view of the top of a huge, puffy, bright white cumulous cloud tip. There was a stark contrast with the lower level gray clouds and this luminous white cloud above. It was a visible message from my Heavenly Father telling me that no matter how gray those clouds of life fill my sky, He’s there. Larger, brighter. Off the to right of what I had just seen a small rainbow appeared.
I laughed. I thought to myself “okay Lord, I got it”. As I finished the walk I took notice of spring, which even Oregon gray and rain can’t stop. Rhododendrons were in full bloom in so many colors – red, white, pink, purple, orange. Dogwoods have their cross-shaped blossoms open baring the middle ‘crown of thorns’. Irises begin to stand tall. The scent of lilac is in the air…
What was dormant is awakened, revived.
“Our Lord has written the promise of resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in springtime.” – Martin Luther
Spring comes to my soul.
No longer torpid.
Resuscitated and beginning to be renewed.
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39).
Not even the clouds of life I allowed to overshadow my spirit - can distance me from my Father.
Here comes the Son… (and the sun).
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